arigoldI’m starting to get flooded with emails from Blogher offering helpful tips for getting the most out of the Conference. Then I got the one that urged me: “Don’t forget your Elevator Pitch!” Elevator Pitch? For those of you who might not know, this is a succinct pitch (in this case a description of your blog) that can be blurted out between two floors on the elevator.

What is this Hollywood and I’ve got to “pitch” to a roomful of bored executives? The classic Hollywood pitch, at least in legend, is the one used to pitch the movie Twins: “Schwarzenegger. Devito. Twins.” The more typical Hollywood pitch tries to shoehorn a project into the same mold as a wildly successful previous project: “Think Pretty Woman meets Transformers by way of Schindler’s List.” (Now THAT would be some movie!)

Hey, I used to run an Ad Agency. I know from pitches. I just didn’t expect, when I left the Corporate Rat Race to transition to farming, that I’d ever have to do one again. And aren’t we talking about a bunch of bloggers here? I mean people like me who are doing this for fun. Do we really need to “pitch” ourselves to each other? Or maybe I’m missing something and Hollywood agents will be swarming the Conference and the blogger with the snappiest pitch gets the movie deal.

So Hollywood Agents! Here's the deal. I perfect my pitch. You put together a package that has Drew Barrymore playing me.

So Hollywood Agents! Here's the deal. I perfect my pitch. You put together a package that has Drew Barrymore playing me.

So on the off-chance that this is my chance to have Drew Barrymore play me, I figure I better pull together a pitch. In actuality, I thought I had one. Maybe two. See up at the top of my masthead: A Yank. A Brit. Two Terriers. A Vineyard. And a Dream. Or how about the subhead: You know Green Acres? It’s like that. But I somehow suspect that’s not what Blogher is looking for. It doesn’t really say what this blog is. For the good reason that I’m not really sure what this blog is. As I mused in yesterday’s post, I’m the Blogger Who Defies Description. Which means I don’t fit into any of the popular (read “monetizable”) categories. Definitely not a Mommy Blogger. Certainly not a Tech Blog. Some politics, photography and humor, but not fitting comfortably in any of those categories.

So help me out here folks. What should my pitch be? Here I’ll get things started:

“Just like Pioneer Woman. But without the homeschooling,  the religion, the cooking and the cowboy husband. Or the readership.”

“Not even remotely like Dooce.”

“Coyote poo. Terriers. Fear and Loathing in Wine Country.”

“Goin’ Country on a ranch just like Bush’s. No livestock but terriers.”

“One part winemaking. Two parts terriers. A sprinkling of political rants. Topped by lots of stuff about my eclectic interests.”

“Not an easy blog to put in a category. But Donny Osmond reprinted my post on the front page of his fan site. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“Periodically making fun of Brits online since late 2007. With extra stuff about wine making and terriers.”

“The Number One Blog in Albania”*

“Okay, even my mother doesn’t read my blog. But some people like it. A few.”

“If you Google ‘cowboy horse sex’, you get this blog.” **

See. I clearly need help. Best elevator pitch gets something. Maybe a bottle of Two Terriers Lavender Oil. At some point when I get my act together and order the bottles.

*I’m basing this claim on my stat counter. After I post, traffic must come to a standstill in downtown Tirana as everyone runs to the nearest Internet cafe to read Left Coast Cowboys. And I challenge anyone to dispute this claim or produce a larger Albanian readership.

**Seriously! Try it.

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