Dooce Fans, Stop It! Just Stop It!

Dooce, Heather ArmstrongStop coming here. There’s nothing to see. This is not a Dooce Hate Site. Yet every time Dooce puts up one of her “Oh Poor Little Me” posts about how the InterWebs are being mean to her, people flood over here on a wave of Google searches such as “Dooce Haters”, “Dooce Hate” and, my favorite, “Why Do People Hate Dooce”.

Listen people, I can’t tell you. I don’t really read her. I’ve only ever written one post about Dooce. And it wasn’t really about Dooce.

You see back when Dooce posted about her bathroom remodel the entire Internet divided sharply along lines as defined as the Mason-Dixon. Either you luuuurved the remodel or you hated it. Both sides were ready to defend their positions to the death, hurling insults at each other like “Hater” and “Groupie”.

I posted what I intended to be a humorous post. Through multiple remodels in San Francisco and in Sonoma — all of which involved walls being taken down and furniture shopping that was NOT at Ikea — I never got a tiny fraction of the 400 plus comments Dooce did on her “redressing” of her bathroom. My point being, not to denigrate Dooce, but if you are burning to comment on a remodel, you need to look at one that involves sledgehammers not just namby-pamby Ikea shopping. I mean, we’re buying cow skulls and Kachinas and Old West weaponry for decoration. Oh yes, we are out of the suburban comfort zone. In any case, my (humorous) point was, there’s more fodder for comment here. At least there’s more controversy here. I mean really, Ikea is for those who are nervous about their taste. Nobody ever was considered “out on a limb” for shopping at Ikea. Nailing up a buffalo skull to the living room wall is for the brave!

Little did I know that my post would live on in infamy in Google. Seems every time someone searches on “Dooce Hate” my post comes up about five entries down. I guess it didn’t help that I named my post: “So Dooce Remodeled Her Bathroom. What Am I, Chopped Liver?” I was trying to channel Borscht Belt comedians. Apparently, I inadvertently linked myself to a notorious Dooce Hater named Chicken Liver.

So here’s the deal. Dooce was invited to the White House. Which I didn’t know about and didn’t care about. Except that suddenly my blog hits reached the stratosphere and they were all coming from searches on “Dooce Hate”, “Dooce Haters”, “Dooce Hate Sites”, “Dooce Sucks”, “Dooce I Hate You” and a thousand variations thereof.

If I’m going to write about a Mormon from Utah, it’s going to be Donny Osmond, an underappreciated artist. He is. I’ll go to the mat on that.

Well, goodness knows I could use some more hits over here. Left Coast Cowboy Land is truly an exclusive enclave for the cognoscenti. But the Dooce Peeps don’t stay around to read about terriers, fox poo, winemaking, eccentric British husbands, Mountain Lions, John the Baptist and gardening foibles. No, they show up looking for Dooce Hate, don’t find it and bugger off.

Well, if that’s your attitude, STAY AWAY. Besides, if I’m going to write about a famous Mormon, and I have, it’ll be about Donny Osmond. (About whom I’ve posted several times. I’m an unashamed fan. Even if that brands me as terminally uncool.)

So I realize, by the very act of writing this post, I’m getting myself even more entrenched in Google under “Dooce Hate”. But hopefully this post will rise to the top, thanks to the tags I’m going to give it. Then all you Dooce Groupies will be warned. NOTHING FOR YOU HERE!

Unless you are interested in terriers, fox poo, winemaking, eccentric British husbands, Mountain Lions, John the Baptist and gardening foibles.

In that case: stick around, set a spell, glad to have you.

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Author: Lisa

Although I'd like to think of myself as a rootin', tootin', wine-makin' cowgirl, I currently only live in Sonoma part-time. Mostly I'm on freeways between San Jose, San Francisco and Sonoma. With two yapping terriers in crates behind me. We try to enjoy all three places and points in between. Which will explain why my post subjects are all over the map.

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23 Comments

  1. Dooce?
    I shall spend 5 minutes educating myself on who the hell Dooce may be then carry on. I have peas to harvest this morning.

  2. Isn’t it weird when stuff comes at your blog out of nowhere? Maybe some of that traffic is coming by way of HGTV now since Dooce has a tv connection. Odd.

    I’m taking a break, getting things ready since we are having a pug visit later today. My daughter is bringing Keisha the grandpug with her for an overnight. Cat food is moved to the basement landing where it will be shut behind the stair door, along with the whole lower level. I expect the cats to run down there to hide when she gets here. Also need to keep her upstairs. All the toy mice are down there too. Dogs make quick work of toy mice.

    Happy Easter! I found a jack rabbit (or whatever the big eared rabbit is) photo on 7MSN and am using that for my holiday desktop background today. Keeneland is open. Reds opening day is Monday. Spring has come to my neck of the woods.

  3. The tag made it especially worthwhile to read to the end. The White House? Really.

  4. How interesting Maybelline and Kathy,

    Seems you have full and interesting lives that have nothing to do with Dooce. I guess there are pockets of us here and there.

  5. i learned about you through the women’s colony, and during the “pioneerwoman-gate” I’ve noticed in many comments that somehow those who followed TPW also followed TWC…
    …so many of us might end up following LCC too.

    There you go, pretty soon you might be getting lots of comments, including hate comments!!!!!

    (although many read and not comment, so not having comments does not equal to not having readers)

    I ‘ve read a couple of dooce posts and i couldn’t stand her. When bloggers become “famous” their blogs are just not interesting anymore.

    I like your blog. Keep it real!

  6. Have nothing against Dooce although I don’t really follow her. It’s just annoying that every time there is a dustup involving her, my site gets slammed with thousands of people searching on “Dooce Hate”. They land here, see nothing about Dooce, then bugger off in seconds, skewing my stats. Hey, at least stay around and see what the Mountain Lion has been up to!

    Which leads me to the question: how can I DeGoogle myself and get out from appearing every search of “Dooce Hate”?

    But I will say I envy her ability to draw comments. Judging from my stats, my real readers land here, read on average 2-3 posts for a total of 2 minutes, then run off to my Flickr, Twitter or Facebook page to leave comments — that is the 1% who do comment. Talk to the blog, people!

  7. Geez, does all this traffic mean you’ll be an A-List Blogger? Will you remember all the little people? ;-)

    FWIW, I’d rather read you every day and twice on Sundays than even consider reading what Dooce has to say. She’s a very good, funny writer, but her flavor of free ice cream isn’t my favorite. And besides, can she say she has Roger Ebert as one of her regular readers? I think not.

    Google does seem rather arbitrary and capricious at times. The posts I really sweated over don’t bring traffic – it’s the posts about something from an email or the latest viral joke that draw the bulk of my traffic. The one post that brings the most traffic that wasn’t a joke or fluff piece was about how to find and remove the heater motor from a Silverado pickup.

    I don’t know the process, but I have heard it’s possible to contact Google to clean out their caches, and you’d have to change or delete your Dooce posts so keywords wouldn’t draw people searching for them. Keep in mind that an archive page holding several posts can link totally separate keywords – drawing people that expect to find their two keywords in one post, rather than two separate ones. Not sure if the results would be worth the effort.

  8. Thanks, Jeffro. Although a small and select group, my readers are generally exactly what I want. They show up, they spend some time really reading and they come back frequently. My only complaint is that they are shy about commenting — and the small percentage that do tend to go over to my Flickr, Twitter or Facebook accounts to comment.

    Then again, I seem to have a large and loyal following from former Eastern Bloc states. I’m not sure if their English is up to commenting, but they sure come back loyally!

    So, I don’t think there is any fear of me becoming an A-Lister. Although I do aim to please. And, with you in mind, I’ve got another gun post going up later today.

  9. Hey Lisa,
    Your blog is the only blog I read that is NOT about fishing or hunting. I don’t read it just because I used to go to school with your Brit Hubby Andy either. I read it because you DO stuff, not write about maybe doing, or thinking about doing, or even hearing about other’s doing stuff. On another note entirely, who the heck is this Dooce person anyway? Not heard if she has bought a shot gun or has working dogs, (yep your terriers are working dog’s not lap dog’s). She looks far to fluffy to be a real ‘person’ more in the “Hilton’ mode of “I’m so important”, “everything I say you should listen too”. Which is the type of woman who just really should get a life….
    Keep on blogging about real stuff & let the airheads worry about chipped nail varnish. By the way, I could find you some ‘shed’s’ if you want some really on the edge decorating items.
    ‘Shed’s’ are antlers from deer & elk which fall off naturaly every year & are a rare find in the spring in the wildnerness. Something that this part of Southern Oregon has large quantities off, (wilderness that is).

  10. Of course, if you would like some ‘shed’s’ I will have to wait until these continuous rains & coastal storms stop. (funny how come here on the Pacific North West Coast they are called winter coastal storms & down South in the Gulf they are called hurricanes?)

  11. Hee Hee. Way ahead of you Tony. I guess I need to post some pictures of our “shed” antler sconces and table lamps! Not to mention the stuffed deer head on the wall. Yup, decorating on the edge. The edge of civilization…

  12. Okay, commenting to the blog Now. Read the person in question for a while and got fed up with the continual (or should I say continuous?) whiny aspect. I think your H status stems from your skeptical remarks when attending BlogHer. You stated a position I had already come to on my own.

    I lived in Salt Lake City for 7 years in the late 70s, early 80s, and still have friends there (who have no idea who she is, by the way). I don’t recognize the place through her eyes, though I was last there 2 years ago. The blog kind of reminds me of the poem (I was going to say The Chambered Nautilaus, but then I went and had a look) Indwelling by T.E. Brown. She is replete with very she and is so small and full there is no room for anything else. And I kinda felt for the daughter, who has no vote in being completely exposed and which, I’m sure, will bring her–the daughter–much angst as a teen ager. If you do comment on her, why not give her a code name, like you know who? Oo, does this make me a you know who hater?

    Much prefer to see life on the two-terrier ranch (which, come to think of it might be why you see so many eastern Europe visitors–the word “ranch”– since so many Europeans are still enamored by the wild west). Although I have to suppress my envy at not being able to afford a similar life-style. Vicarious living with witty comments, connection to the rest of the world, and a great list of Christmas music (even though I’m nominally Jewish) is the very next best thing.

    On another note, have been doing my best to evade your reader stats counter and have installed software that purports to suppress such attempts. Wonder how I’m doing.

  13. SASHO,

    I may be able to see you if you are in Alameda. Oooh, having a Romper Stomper Bomper Boo Magic Mirror moment! That is an excellent idea about a code name. Remember how in Rumpole of the Bailey, he called his wife “She Who Must Be Obeyed”. I shall now refer to another blogger as “She Who Must Not Be Hated.”

    And you are right. I’m convinced having “Cowboy” in my blog name is what’s drawing my large Albanian/Croation/Estonian readership.

  14. OK. I’ll de-lurk. I visit your site several times a week and have commented a couple of times. I think I even commented last time you wrote about Dooce. I enjoy your writing and return for that reason. Plus, I like Donny O, too (I commented on one of those posts, too).

    I was born in London and my 1st husband was a Brit from the same area of London my family came from.

    Dooce just isn’t my sense of humor. After awhile, all her posts sound the same. However, I’ve got to admire the woman for earning money through her writings (I believe she said she made enough to make her house payments) and getting an invite to the White House (seriously?) because of it.

    I actually admire anyone who writes a blog. I just don’t read most of them. I read yours frequently. Keep up the good work.

    The White House? Seriously?

  15. I do believe that I read this weekend that Dooce and Michelle Obama are not “besties”

  16. GAH – should have clicked on the “poor me” link BEFORE leaving my comment as it is now redundant ;-)

  17. Found you from a tweet to abdpbt, added to RSS. Howdy!

  18. Howdy oregoncoastgirl,

    Glad to have you around.

  19. One bathroom remodel and you ended up in Dooce-gate huh? Funny. Yeah we get found on the same search words so sometimes I wonder WTF? and I search the same words. We also get found for searches about grandma’s underwear and things that perverts want to do to her panties so you never can tell.

    However, we proudly own our distaste for the Dooce. We don’t “hate” her because…well… we don’t have that kind of attention span and I reserve hatred for people who kick puppies and beat baby seals. We do bag on her though because she is lame. So if the Dooce-drones get to buggin’ you just blame us and send them our way. We are used to it. We even made them a Fan Guide.

    Oh yeah and by the way…. your blog is cool and I like your pictures.
    ~RM1

  20. Actually, my site briefly went down under the weight of a mass of searches on “dooce hate”, “dooce haters”, “I hate dooce” and “Dooce sux”.

    How I long for the days when my most frequent searches were “naked cowboys”, “cowboy horse sex” and “cowboy butts”. Although I never have written about those topics either. (Maybe they are looking for the Pioneer Woman?)

    But I was gratified to get a search today on “stirring up shit”. Which I try to do with my frequent photos of wild animal scat.

  21. Just happened upon your site when I searched for Dooce — and when Google just happened to add “haters” my curiosity got the best of me. But I am intrigued with your blog and will add it to my reader. I grew up in Napa and still visit my parents often, so I’m interested in reading about your vineyard and your dogs too, they’re pretty cute!

  22. Oy. Today I learned that ‘dooce’ isn’t a what but a who, and that she’s pretty reviled for things. I’m still not clear on what but there you go, it’s probably junior high school nonsense anyhow. And then I found your blog, so today counts as a success. Glad to meet you!

  23. Nice to meet you, Amy!

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