Aw, yes. Resolutions. I have to make them this year and, of course, the old “lose weight and get in shape” one is topping the list. We all know it’s much easier to accomplish when you have a partner. But it doesn’t work very well in a house with an Englishman.
Me: We need to get in shape this year.
Andy: Great, I’m right there with you.
Me: We have to give up all this rich food. And cut way back on the wine. I think we should go vegetarian. At least a few times a week.
Andy: Okay, we’ll go vegetarian. Except for sausages. And foie gras. And those good aged steaks we get at Sonoma Market. We’ll only have wine when we have those meals.
Me: And how many times will we have meals with sausage and steak and all that?
Andy: Only on weekdays.
Me: What about weekends?
Andy: You can’t diet on weekends.
If that weren’t enough of a challenge, remember that Englishmen only recognize a very few vegetables: carrots, peas and potatoes. All of which are starchy. None of which will help you lose weight.
We won’t even talk about exercise. Andy is a firm believer in the Executive Workout: ten minutes on the stairmaster reading the Wall Street Journal, then into the steam room and out for a massage.
So if I’m going to do this, I need another supportive partner. That leaves Lucy.
Poor Lucy. Some cruel people would say she’s looking porky. I really mean porky. Ever seen a Poland China hog? Same markings.
Kinder critics would call her the Marilyn Monroe of Smooth Fox Terriers. She has a figure from another era. The kind of figure that used to make men in the 1940s sing the old Lucky Strike Cigarette song: “So Round, So Firm, So Fully Packed.” Yes, kinder critics would say she’s a va-va-va-voom terrier bombshell.
However, I did find a frightening story about two clinically obese Smooth Fox Terriers in New Zealand and Lucy’s looking more like one of them than she is like her skinny-marink younger brother, Oscar. So Lucy and I are making this resolution together. Tomorrow I’m off to get diet dog food for her and diet food for me. (It’s going to help for the kick-off that Mr. Sausage Man is in England for a week.)
So, based on ideal weight charts for Lucy’s breed, she needs to lose about 5 lbs. I need to lose…well, a little bit more.
This whole thing would work better for me if Lucy could just put my correctly portioned diet meal in a bowl for me and deny me access to any other food. But then that methodology hasn’t really worked for Lucy so far. I give her less food, she wolfs it down, then beats up little Oscar and takes his.
Let’s hope I don’t start doing that to Andy. As I’ll be eating celariac and salad while he’s eating steak and roast potatoes.
It’s going to be interesting around here in the next few months.
No diet here but we are joining a gym next week. I know I’m the same way & need a partner so luckily Matt is going to go too.
Sort of like hubby who is wondering why the scale went up, eating half a bag of Chips at least a day.
And yes, I wish all those snacks would beam themselves to Mars until I am down with all those pounds 🙁
Beating up Oscar, uh, how about putting them in separate rooms while eating?
Peas, Carrots and potatoes – we Brits do eat a few more veg than that – not many I agree but there are a few.
I started to use a side plate in order to cut my portion sizes down. You feel as if you are having a large meal because the plate is full. I also have started to do my food shopping on the internet as I am not then tempted by all the naughty foods.
How lucky Lucy is to have such a caring owner, many owners don’t recognise the fact that there pet is overweight until there is a BIG problem so I hope you and Lucy manage to do well. Have you thought about going running with her? Then she could have the same size meals as Oscar and not nick his food. Only an idea,
Poor Lucy. We walk both dogs three times a day. Then they tussle with each other all over the house. PLUS we have a dog walker who trains for triathalons by taking them off-leash, running on the beach, rappelling off cliffs. It’s like paratrooper training for pooches. Oscar stays skinny as a rake. Lucy remains full-figured. Unless she’s secretly running to the corner store for junk food, I can’t figure it out.
My husband is about to embark on the Biggest Loser Contest at his office for the second year, which means I am in for a whole lot of grumpy for the next 8 weeks. I am dreading it. If only I was to get an Albanian commenter on my blog to cheer me up…..
My friends and I are ADDICTED to Biggest Loser which we affectionately call “Big Fat Fattie”.
And I’m on the phone to the Albanian Embassy now to drive Albanian traffic to your site.
I can’t help but think of back when I was a vegetarian (for about 8 years) the only thing I missed were Summertime, fresh off the grill, beef hotdogs. And I missed them terribly, but just couldn’t bring myself to eat one. One of my friends suggested I be an ovo-lacto frankenfurter vegetarian.
Anemia and then life in New Orleans cured both of us of being veggie… Paul was for 16+ years. He is now so in love with bacon that there is no hope of going back.
As I point out in this post: https://leftcoastcowboys.com/2008/11/21/bringing-home-the-bacon/
Once you go BACON, you never go back.
Have you read “French Women Never Get Fat”? Everything in moderation. I love it. You can even drink wine.
I became a vegetarian for a month and all I could think all day long was bacon.
I gave up carbs for about a week and had this dream about lying next to a huge baked potato. LOL.
Obviously I am not cut out for these diets.
Off to check out your bacon post. Love, love, love it!
Ohh…that poor porky Kiwi SFT! I think that is terrier abuse. Lucy is nowhere close to that guy! I think Lucy looks fine with a little “junk in her trunk” 😉 I wish you and Lucy well on your quest — on the diet front I’m a big fan of the Wii Fit and Fiberful bars from Trader Joe’s.