I’ve had some pretty heavy posts recently. Let’s lighten it up. And there’s nothing funnier than the weird shit I’m now pulling out of my kitchen. You see, we’ve lived in our San Francisco house for more than 20 years and I’m doing the once-every-few-decades complete clean-out. This weekend was the kitchen, a project that threatens to continue throughout the week. Or maybe never end. We have deep cabinets and many of them we haven’t seen the back of for more than a decade. Delving into them is a long, dark journey into our souls. Or something. But it’s disconcerting as I’m being confronted with a me I’m not sure I ever was.
For instance, I seem to have been, at some point, the kind of person who accumulates THREE complete fondue sets.
Then there are the odd glasses and miscellaneous bottles of alcoholic drinks shoved behind a mountain of Tupperware in another cabinet. How about a set of World Cup USA glasses? But it’s the Camp Snoopy glass collection that has me pondering. I’ve never been to Camp Snoopy. I have no kids. I don’t even particularly like Snoopy. Where did these come from? When was I the kind of person who collected Camp Snoopy paraphernalia?
And the raisins. In little snacky-pack sized boxes. At one point in my life, I must have really LOVED raisins. Then I decided I hated them. And shoved dozens of these boxes into every recess of every corner and drawer.
There are the many bottles of strange food items floating in oil. In the dark recesses of my past, I was a person who bought loads of these. Then stuck them in very high cabinets where they could “mature” for several decades.
And on a slightly sad note, it was years ago that I successfully made the transition from cat owner to dog person. I never looked back. I thought. Because, for some reason, I saved every cat bowl I ever had.
Finally, about that Bird’s Custard. If you aren’t English, you may not know how truly disgusting an alleged foodstuff this crap is. It’s a powder that mixes up into a horribly neon pasty goo that has a distinct metallic after-taste. For some odd reason, Brits will take a perfectly fine cake or other dessert and slather it with this muck. They cling to Bird’s Custard as fiercely as we do our peanut butter. (Except peanut butter is good.)
For all I know, this particular can may have travelled over from England in Andy’s suitcase when he was a fresh-faced 25 year old immigrant. This can is so old, it’s rusted, dented and the label is peeling off. There may even have been mouse poo on it. But Andy fished it out of my throw-away pile in horror: “You aren’t throwing away the Bird’s Custard!?” I explained diplomatically that it might have gone bad. “No, Bird’s Custard NEVER goes bad.”
I guess it has the shelf-life of Twinkies.
NEW CONTEST: By popular demand, I will be giving away a Camp Snoopy glass or a moldy can of Bird’s Custard to the reader who leaves the best comment. Need not be British to win the Custard. But you’d have to be British to eat it.
I was born and raised in India which has a very heavy British influence. Having said that…
Are you kidding me? Bird’s custard is yummy! I still keep it in my house:) LOL.
Sounds like you have a virtual treasure trove at your place! You don’t have to be a kid to like Snoopy. One of the few things I saved from my childhood was my metal Snoopy lunchbox from elementary school. The corny cartoons still make me smile.
“except peanut butter is good” LOL Is Andy going to try some of that Bird’s custard. Would make for a fine blog post!!! after you return from the emergency room ‘course. (or maybe pack your laptop).
I’m so glad we did all that when we moved to Mpls.
This is fantastic… I especially love the Bird’s custard! Though the kids would go bananas over that Snoopy glass! A classic!
Sorry, this particular set of Snoopy glasses are NOT classics. They are actually for “Camp Snoopy” which is a cheezy amusement park chain. I think there is one in the Mall of America where I vaguely remember going on a business trip to Minneapolis. And these glasses have a McDonald’s logo on them, so I suspect they were some sort of give-away, maybe with a Happy Meal.
Some of those Happy Meal cups are collectors items… they haven’t given them away for at least a decade, if not more…you should check ebay!
Tell you what: a free Camp Snoopy glass to the person who leaves the best comment on my blog.
We had the same ones… they probably came free with a fast food purchase. My parents collected an alarming amount of them while I was growing up. Now that we have moved out of the house they have moved on and are collecting free glasses from liquor bottles. Onward and upward I guess.
PS Really want that Glass. Pick me! Pick me!
oh god . this is making me laugh so hard and i’m at work and supposed to be WORKING!
thanks a lot!
Sorry, don’t want to win the prizes, but enjoyed the post. Believe it or not there might be a collectibles market for the Camp Swampy give away glasses. Depending on how old they are though, might have some lead in the paint.
As for the custard powder, ye gads. The three fondue pots reminded me of an old, old SNL skit with Garret Morris posing as someone from a developing country asking Americans to send them their fondue pots.
Maybe my cousin’s hubby will get in on the contest. He is a Brit too. Hasn’t been here as long though.