In Which My TV Boyfriend Asks Me On a Date

Well, not exactly. But kind of. In a virtual, Cyber, Internet-y kind of way.

It all starts with Twitter. You probably all know about this group microblogging site. You send out pearls of wisdom in 140 character bites. You never know what will come back. If people like your pearls of wisdom, they “follow” you. Then they automatically get every pearl you roll down that virtual hallway. But the great mass of Twitterers can also stumble over what you write through a search or by wading through zillions and zillions of Tweets.

On this particular day, my pearls of wisdom referred to some Terrier Attitude Problems we’ve been having around our neck of the woods.

I wrote: “Lesson for the day: if two terriers are fighting, don’t think putting your hand between them is going to solve anything.”

One of my followers Tweeted in reply: “You need Cesar Millan, The Dog Whisperer.”

To which I shot back: “Cesar Millan is a steaming hunk of Latino Charisma. He can give me the Alpha Dog Stare-Down anytime.”

Two minutes later, I got this notification: “Cesar Millan is now following you on Twitter.” I checked the link and it was the REAL CESAR MILLAN. The Ricardo Montalban of the Recall. The Desi Arnaz of the Down-Stay. The Fernando Lamas of the Leashed Set. And he’s brought me into his pack. He is now my Calm/Assertive Leader.

I ask you, is there anyone else today who can even compete for the title of Latino Alpha Dog? Let me make my case:

Okay, Antonio’s got that whole wet thing going. And he is doing a pretty good Alpha Dog stare here.

Here’s another Latino with a good Alpha Dog stare. But he’s looking a little mean. And he’s gotten pretty grubby with that Che movie.

Even more ruggedly handsome is Javier Bardem. But frankly, he scared the shit out of us in No Country for Old Men. A little TOO Alpha Dog.

Nope, Cesar’s our man around here.

Now this is Calm/Assertive when you can look hot with Pit Bulls licking your face!

Yup, we’re pretty excited to be in Cesar’s Pack.

We’re all in a tizzy thinking Cesar might drop by and give us that SHHHT and leg nudge thing.

Well, I should amend that. Lucy and I are really excited. Little Oscar, not so much.

Some of us change the channel when The Dog Whisperer comes on.

In loyalty to his name-sake, this little Oscar de la Hoya says he bows to a different Pack Leader.

Our Oscar says this Oscar would totally cream Cesar in an Alpha Dog Staredown.

But Lucy and I know Cesar could just breeze away on those roller-blades. Then he’d call in the Pit Bulls.

ALL HAIL CESAR!