I may be the last person in America or maybe in the English speaking world who has just discovered the huge steaming pile of sanctimonious, arrogant ego that is Stephen Fowler. But that’s because I don’t watch reality TV. (And hey, don’t accuse me of being elitist. I love my TV. I’m just watching too many episodes of Law & Order to fit in non-crime-oriented programming!)
So for the three other people in the Western world who don’t know who Stephen Fowler is, let me recap. He was the husband in a recent episode of “Wife Swap”, the reality show that takes two completely different families, swaps the wives for a week or so and films the culture clash that results.
Actually, it doesn’t need to be a culture clash. One reality show that I watched on DVD was by Morgan Spurlock (of “Super-Size Me” fame), an FX series called 30 Days. Operating on a similar premise, Spurlock had diametrically opposed people switch places for a month (An NRA gun nut went to a Quaker family. A Fundamentalist Christian went to live with a gay San Francisco couple.) What was fascinating about the series was how much both parties were changed for the better by the experience. For instance, the homophobe realized he liked and respected the gay couple, even though he still had difficulty reconciling his religious beliefs with their orientation. And the gay couple started to understand how someone they learned was basically a good person could come to have such views about them. Each participant left after the 30 days, not always in perfect agreement, but profoundly changed — mostly because all participants had the wisdom to open themselves to the possibility of learning something from someone different.
Stephen Fowler did not go into his Wife Swap experience with the same openness. Even before he met his “swapped wife”, Gayla, a woman from a small town in Missouri, both he and his wife sneered at the fact that “she probably didn’t have an education” and indicated that they expected her to be stupid, undereducated and “without a clue”.
I want you to be as shocked as I am about the behavior of both Stephen Fowler and his wife. So I won’t catalog the rudeness, arrogance and abuse Fowler heaped upon his poor swapped wife. I’ll let you view it here.
Both the Fowlers have issued apologies of a sort via her website (which someone seems to have hacked by superimposing a giant slab of bacon over it!) Why am I left thinking their apology is more about damage control than a real change of heart?
In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you what really makes me so mad about the Fowlers. They are from San Francisco AND FROM MY NEIGHBORHOOD. In fact literally two streets over. He’s a Brit, she’s a Yank just as Andy and I are — a combination I usually think combines the best of two worlds. Therefore, I feel I owe Gayla, Midwesterners, Military families, high school graduates and everyone else the Fowlers offended a personal apology from our house to your houses. And I’ve got plenty to say to all the players. Here goes
Gayla: Yes, you are “only” a high school graduate from Missouri. But your common sense, innate decency and compassion puts me in mind of someone else from Missouri who had only a high school education and initially worked low-paying jobs. His name was Harry Truman. He did all right. You will, too.
Stephen Fowler: There isn’t a blog post long enough to catalog your transgressions. Although the many entries on the site StephenFowlerSucks.com — and outpouring of disgust toward you in the blogosphere — certainly make a good start.
But what I find the most unforgivable aspect of your behavior is that you foisted your prejudice, rudeness and social ineptitude onto your own children. The lessons you should be teaching your children are those of compassion, respect and understanding. Or, since you state you are in the 99.99th percentile of human intelligence, are those values the top .01% don’t need to bother with?
Renee Fowler: Shame on you as well. You had the sense to be humiliated at your husband’s behavior when he was insulting Gayla to her face, but you, in a less flamboyant way, were just as rude, closed-minded and nasty.
You style yourself “A Certified Life Coach”? I don’t know much about that racket, but I would assume it requires some degree of understanding your clients’ lifestyles and gently and enthusiastically encouraging them to make positive changes. I guess I missed you working on that part. Your professional credentials are very much in question as we watch how you initially “coached” Alan and the boys to make diet and lifestyle changes by acting arrogant and sneering. Is that how you, as you say, “redirect your clients’ energy”? Thank goodness you eventually modified your approach and, luckily, were able, with their increased openness, to make some positive changes in their lives.
But maybe you should forget the clients for awhile and focus on your husband. And your kids! As Gayla deduced within hours of meeting them, they are overscheduled little robots who don’t seem to have any ability to socialize. Plus you’ve got a lot of deprogramming work ahead of you undoing the cruelty, arrogance and disregard for fellow humans that your husband so ably taught them. Get to work. Hint: you might call up Gayla for some tips.

“Wife Swap” left a bad taste in your mouth? Morgan Spurlock shows you swaps that really change lives.
Gayla’s husband, Alan, and the boys: Alan, first let me congratulate you on being your small town’s mayor. Clearly, you show by action that you care more about America than Stephen does with all his posturing. You are more sinned against than sinning here. I know you didn’t get the most positive “life coaching”. But since it was just for a week, couldn’t you have been a little more open to hearing about another way of eating or pursuing recreation? But I’m nitpicking. Eventually you and the boys did allow yourselves to learn a little about nutrition from Renee and even embraced French lessons. If the value of an education is not a head full of facts but an openness to new ideas, new ways of doing things and other cultures, well, you guys are more “educated” than that pompous twit and his judgmental wife. Keep up the good work. (By the way, I’m pretty opposed to burning fossil fuels needlessly, so I’m not sure I like all the ATVing you do. But, I applaud your core goal, to embrace activities that the whole family, from youngest to oldest, can enjoy together. Guess that’s a lesson you can teach all of us.)
The sentence I impose on all: watch Morgan Spurlock’s 30 Days series and see a “swap” that brings disparate people — and you, the viewer — to new levels of understanding. It’s what the Sioux used to call “walking a mile in another man’s moccasins.” Try it.
And ABC, I want Fowler and his wife to undergo a rematch swap. Can we send them to a family in Mongolia? And keep them there? Oh, and let that poor Fowler boy go to Missouri for a visit and play some fun paintball games with the Longs instead of being forced by his father to fence(!) which he obviously hates.
I don’t watch Wife Swap. (Life’s too short.) However, I now want to get my hands on Thirty Days. Super Size Me was such a favourite of my elder daughter’s that she got herself a copy and hasn’t set foot in McDonald’s since.
All I can say is Holy crap, what an ass. I’m sorry you live so close to this self-righteous family!
PS I love that you have an “asshole” tag on this one. How fitting!
I’m living in fear that someone might Google “San Francisco, British husband, American wife” and come up with my name. I’m not sure how one person can give education, San Francisco, Britain, environmentalism and organic food a bad name. My husband may have to go into witness protection or pretend he’s Australian to escape mistaken backlash.
What is the saddest aspect of this whole debacle is that for so many causes we San Franciscans hold dear — such as International thinking, environmental consciousness and healthy lifestyles — the “face” of these progressive ideas will now be the sneering, sanctimonious mask of Stephen Fowler.
Hey, I know Wife Swap isn’t a big issue like Darfur. But don’t genocides and the great ills of the world start from the point where one set of us decides we are superior to another set of us and acts on it. Stephen Fowler has set so much back so far.
What an absolute eye opener. Your comments are SPOT ON! My son is the first one born in the USA on my side of the family! I am mortified that Stephen expressed himself as he did. I would love to see Morgan Spurlock spend 30 days with them to help the world see if the family has had a come-to-Jesus change of heart in how they treat others, respect their greater community and make amends that means something to someone else (not themselves).
Thanks for the education!
I don’t even know what to say to this. I normally watch wifeswap, but missed this episode, and I am really glad that I did. I watched the 10 minute video and I am now fuming. UGH
One of the best postings I’ve seen so far re Fowler.
Re Harry Truman: I presume you’re familiar with the famous letter HST sent to the Washington Post music critic, Paul Hume, who trashed daughter Margaret’s concert performance. If one paraphrased that letter slightly, I can just hear HST saying the same things to Stephen Fowler:
“I have come to the conclusion that you are an eight-ulcer man on four-ulcer pay. When you (speak) such poppycock…it shows conclusively that you are off the beam, and that at least four of your ulcers are working overtime. Some day I hope to meet you. When that happens, you’re going to need a new nose, a lot of beefsteak for black eyes, and perhaps a supporter below!”
Ha!! I love that you put Asshole” on his T-shirt!!!! I cant stand the guy!
I had the misfortune of watching this episode of Wife Swap. Not my normal television viewing (promise!). Your post brilliantly summarizes the controversy and I find secret joy in your Life Coaching “racket” reference. Everyone’s a Life Coach these days. Well, except me 🙂 Maybe we both need to hop on the Life Coaching train while the gettin’ is still good!
Glad to see you back in blogging action!
carma
Wow! I watch Wife Swap and usually enjoy watching the families learn from each other.
How appalling!
You told them off good!!!
“I took the GRE and I scored in the 99.99 percentile.”
Clearly his manners do not match his IQ.
Count me as one of the three other people who did not know about Fowler. I’m going to the bathroom to vomit now.
Hello, Lisa, I’ve linked to this posting on my site. Love your writing!
Great post Lisa. This man Fowler is truly sickening. I would like to ask how long they have been in Noe Valley. Not long would be my guess. They probably payed top dollar at the height of the market a few years ago. These are the new people whom my friends FROM the Noe Valley hate. Trash talking I interlopers in BMW SUVs who think they are living in Pacific Heights. Any decent San Franciscan or decent person period would run a mile from this guy. I was going go say that he hadn’t been in the neighbourhood long enough for any REAL SF values to rub off on him, but no one probably talks to him anyway.
One last thing: this guy is middle class. Ask Andy, that kind of nasally accent is not posh. He probably got into a good school and Uni because he was smart, but always felt like he didn’t belong with the richer kids there. Think Basil Fawlty and you’ll understand. In America he can feel superior but if he had stayed in the UK he’d never be accepted. No poshy would dream of being that rude! It’s common!
CJ!
Hah! Andy and my British friends such as you have already pointed out to me that Stephen Fowler’s accent is decidedly suburban and middle class. Not that there is anything wrong with that — unless you are such a poseur that you throw this class shit around and teach your children to disrespect people who you deem “below” you.
And speaking of posing. Has anyone noticed the BMW and SUV in Fowler’s garage? Hmmmm. Not very Tree-Huggerish or Sustainable of him, despite his ridiculous T-shirts.
The scuttlebutt on the Internet is that he hasn’t worked a real job in 5 years, has declared bankruptcy, has renters in part of that house and the whole “upper class” house of cards may be tumbling down around his ears. I’m desperately searching for any confirming links to this. But how ironic would it be if Gayla’s husband has made more in the past week than Fowler has in the last year!
If there is any silver lining to this economic crisis, let it be that idiots like this will be weeded out of our fair City. Noe Valley was so much more fun when you could look down the street and see old time San Franciscans, immigrant families, Lesbian couples, middle class people, working class people, boho artists and all different types. Ignorant parvenus like the Fowlers are “fowling” our nest.
Stephen Fowler sandwich recipe (The sandwich that saved my marriage)
Limburger cheese, head cheese, anchovies, fresh monkey brains, Rockey Mountain oysters, piled high with sauerkraut, and all ingredients sandwiched between English Muffin halves or slices of fresh San Francisco sourdough bread (with all of the ingredients being organic of course). Renee recommends this sandwich to all of her overweight, Midwestern, redneck clients from podunk towns. It’s mmmm-mmmm delicious. Renee’s clients take to this sandwich “like a cold hog to warm mud.”
Hmmm. The above comment sounds as if it originated from one of my snarky British friends. And I DON’T mean Stephen Fowler!
Lisa,
Snarky yes. British no. Have you tried the Stephen Fowler sandwich yet? It’s a taste sensation. If you don’t like the taste of fresh monkey brains you can substitute soft tofu. (Sometimes monkey brains are hard to find in my local food market.) Also, if you cannot find Rockey Mountain oysters you can substitute fried chicken gizzards.
I would recommend an Anchor Steam Porter to accompany this sandwich.
Cheers!!
Perhaps a snarky friend from Chicago?
Lisa,
Hmmm, spoooky. How’d you know?
Hee Hee. It’s my Secret Squirrel Blog Visitor Tracking Software: https://leftcoastcowboys.com/2008/10/29/and-now-i-can-see-my-imaginary-friends/
Romper Stomper Bomper Boo. I see KingDufus out in Chicago. . .
Lisa,
Now I have visited the link to the Secret Squirrel Blog visitor tracking software. Let’s see what else you know about me. Can you send me my avatar? We’ll see how accurate it is.
You’re a regular Sherlock Holmes let me tell you. It’s downright scary.
BTW, have you tried the sandwich recipe yet? It’s very tasty and healthful. Perhaps you can suggest one of your wines to go with the sandwich??
I guess I haven’t been missing much on TV this week, then! 🙂
What an ass. Sorry that you’ve got them for neighbors. No worries about the Brit-Yank marriage comparison to you all. Obviously there is nothing to compare.
shut up yanks. you’re all fat and dumb.
ha ha.
Hmmm. Stephen, you are commenting from Novato. So either you are on the run and in hiding from Noe Valley, or you are one of my snarky British friends who lives in that fine town.
no it’s me honest, i’m in Noe Valley being all smug.
Lisa knows where you are at all times. Just ask Secret Squirrel. You may be Stephen Fowler but not the Stephen Fowler of wife swap infamy. If you are truly the Stephen Fowler of wife swap, tell me how to make the sandwich that saved your marriagae.
Why is Fowler living in America if he hates us as it seems he does? America spends four times that of the rest of the world for defence. We protect Europe and they get free health-care. Something’s wrong with that picture. America out of NATO now!