Tonight was my first Spanish class at Community College of San Francisco. I approached it with some trepidation. It’s been years since I learned a language and I’m worried that part of my brain is rusty. But trying to manage the grape harvest last fall using just my vaguely-remembered Latin and a lot of hand signals convinced me that I needed to master at least the basics. However, I’m starting to have second thoughts about trying to do it in the accelerated summer session where a semester’s worth of learnin’ is crammed into six weeks.
It took awhile for the jury to decide whether I’d made the right move on this.
Class is Tuesdays and Thursdays from 6PM to 10PM! Not good if it cuts into my Law & Order nights.
Instead of being held on the main campus, my class was convening at one of the local middle schools, a Mission Revival baroque fantasy that wouldn’t look out of place in Alhambra. Good. I’m all for setting the scene.
As we students took our seats and started introducing ourselves there were a suspicious number of people with last names like Gonzalez, Ortega and Munoz. Mucho unfairo. This is supposed to be Bonehead Beginning Never Even Ordered a Taco in Spanish Class.
Luckily, I had loaded a Conversational Spanish program on my iPod.

Unluckily, it was a British program aimed at helping British Lager Louts score chicks on the Costa del Sol.

Nope. Won’t be using this program much in class.
The professor walked in and he was German! German? There’s no German in Spanish. Well unless we’re talking Laurence Olivier as an escaped Nazi torturing Dustin Hoffman. This didn’t seem good on any level.
Luckily Senor Hahn quickly proved himself to be exactly my kind of teacher — one who sprinkles the subject with lots of trivia and humor.

By the way, our Governator has been pronouncing Hasta La Vista all wrong. The H is silent.
By the end of the second hour, I could hold an excruciatingly polite conversation with a Spanish speaking native. Well, if that native followed exactly the script I learned:
Buenos tardes. (Good afternoon.)
Como esta Usted? (How are you?)
Muy bien, gracias. Y Usted? (Very well, thank you, and you?)
Muy bien. (Very well).
Como se llama Usted? (What are you called?)
Me llamo ____. (I’m called ____.)
Then I had a choice of two possible answers:
Mucho gusto! Which means “much pleasure”. (And here I always thought that was something you said after a really good enchilada.)
Or I can say Encantada. Which means, Enchanted. That makes me feel as if I’m in a Spanish version of Pride and Prejudice. (And wouldn’t Antonio Banderas make a really good Senor Darcy?)
Then it was on to the alphabet where Herr…er…Senor Hahn taught us to remember the vowel sounds by imitating a donkey. I always thought donkeys said “Hee Haw” but apparently in Spanish speaking countries, donkeys say a e i o u.
To remember the burro-vowel connection, we even learned to say El burro sabe mas que tu. (A burro knows more than you.) Which is true, given that, less than an hour later, I’ve now completely forgotten how to pronounce the Spanish vowels.
But, cry my male readers, what about Salma Hayek? Yes well, apparently our text books are very up-to-date because they reference all sorts of Hispanic Pop Culture icons.
No wonder the professor was so insistent that we HAD to have the latest edition of the book. I imagine earlier versions may have referenced Carmen Miranda and Dolores Del Rio instead.
And the Dos XX? Well, in the course of learning the alphabet in Spanish, Senor Hahn told us that the beer was named Two Xs in 1900 after the Roman Numeral XX in honor of the turn of the century. Great, that sticks in my head but not those vowel sounds.
Wait, I’ve got my notes: ah ay ee oo ouuuu. Okay, say it fast. Does it sound like a donkey? If not, there’s only one thing I can say:
El burro sabe mas que tu!

These cuties, George and Alan, are featured performers over at The 7MSN Ranch. See them at http://the7msnranch.com
Glad to see Salma returns to your blog. This time there is even a reason! (mentioned in the book)
I suggest getting a Tivo so you never miss your shows … you get the added bonus of being able to fast forward through commercials. And if you wanted (not sure about legal issues) you can transfer recorded shows to your PC / MAC and cut clips to post on your blog! Or just still images.
Good luck with Spanish!
Gracias Senor Eric. Me hablo Tivo. But my parole officer says I have to watch SVU on Tuesdays.
i Funny funny funny !
And yes, el burros sabe mas que moi.
Here’s the translation I got for your last sentence: “The donkey knows but that your!” seriously!
Do I need to locate a German/Spanish translating program?
El burro sabe mas que usted? Maybe what I need is a Burro-Spanish translator.
I audited a college Spanish class hoping it would all come back to me without effort, but no. Thirty years had passed and I had not just forgotten. The language has changed in some ways. We were taught Castillian in the old days. Modern texts connect better with contemporary society.
You will find few true beginners in that class. Mostly the students in my class had some Spanish in high school and were looking for an easy grade.
And then there was the Lithuanian student who had already sampled four languages as electives. He was goofing off but very pleasant. Some kind of business major.
Have fun. One study aid I played with , not seriously enough, was using the Spanish language option on a Buffy the Vampire Slayer dvd for the first season. I wasn’t highly motivated. You’ll do fine.
You will start hearing words that you understand just in everyday life. It is easier to read and hear than to compose and speak. But sincere attempts are generally appreciated.
Currently, I’m using the Selena, Mariachi, Los Lobos method of augmenting my text book. But I still don’t know what Guantanamera means.
And don’t forget Santana. Get into the groove and the meaning will be there.
“Guantanamera,” literally, means “woman from Guantanamo.” The only reason I know this is that Sister Amelia made us all learn the tune, and rather a lot of stuff I learned fortysomething years ago has unaccountably failed to disappear from the brain. Just don’t ask me what I had for dinner Wednesday.
You’re an inspiration. The only things I know how to say working in a Family Birth Center are “breathe” and “push.” I so need to learn more. Maybe I’ll take a class, too.
Excellent YouTube post ! thanks for sharing. I’ll be adding your blog to my reader.
Juan
Once again an excellent written post from you. Keep it up!
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