I’ve just discovered two great old broads. They aren’t my grandmothers, but I’m appointing them that title in the Blogosphere. It’s Margaret and Helen. They were born in 1925. They’re 82 years old. They’ve been fast friends for more than 60 years. Then Helen’s grandson set her up with a blog. The rest is fast becoming raucous InterWebs history. Helen, who lives in Texas, is really the blogger. But Margaret is on the phone from Maine nearly every day and her comments get incorporated. Their husbands Harold and Howard get mentioned from time to time, especially Helen’s because he’s a Republican. Margaret and Helen are decidedly NOT.
In common sense and often salty language, Margaret and Helen give their spin on today’s top news stories. Worried that Obama’s health care plan will bring about the “death squads” Sarah Palin warned about? Helen will set you straight. You’re an idiot. Furthermore, Helen reassures you that your final wishes are all in your own hands. Just write a living will. She and her husband have one with an interesting twist:
“Mine states that unless the feeding tube is large enough for a piece of pie, I don’t want to be hooked up to it. Harold, of course, says his can only be connected to him if the other end is connected to a bottle of single malt scotch.”
Helen also tackles Rush Limbaugh. At least as hard as she could if she weren’t confined to that scooter. But after Helen finishes chastising him for disparaging Walter Cronkite, Margaret weighs in and reveals her own crush on the famous newscaster:
“Helen, dear, we can certainly agree on one thing for sure. Walter Cronkite was a very sexy man. I tell you, he was the Anderson Cooper of his day. He could melt my butter each and every evening. He could toast my bread on both sides. He could float my boat, row it out to sea, and wait for it to return with the tide any day of the week.”
Oh, and by the way, Margaret and Helen are not rated PG. More like R. Helen admits she loves to use words like shit, dumbass and bitch. She says they make her giggle.
Here’s one of her many takes on Newt Gingrich and Dick Cheney:
“No wonder these guys look bloated and constipated. They’re full of shit, and lots of it.”
Okay, that made me giggle. So new Internet Rule: when you are this funny and you’ve lived this long and still kept your edge, you get to use whatever language you want.
Viva Margaret and Helen!
Note: all of these images were found at random on Google Images. Neither is of Margaret and Helen. Just the Margaret and Helen of my imagination.