I’ve just discovered two great old broads. They aren’t my grandmothers, but I’m appointing them that title in the Blogosphere. It’s Margaret and Helen. They were born in 1925. They’re 82 years old. They’ve been fast friends for more than 60 years. Then Helen’s grandson set her up with a blog. The rest is fast becoming raucous InterWebs history. Helen, who lives in Texas, is really the blogger. But Margaret is on the phone from Maine nearly every day and her comments get incorporated. Their husbands Harold and Howard get mentioned from time to time, especially Helen’s because he’s a Republican. Margaret and Helen are decidedly NOT.
In common sense and often salty language, Margaret and Helen give their spin on today’s top news stories. Worried that Obama’s health care plan will bring about the “death squads” Sarah Palin warned about? Helen will set you straight. You’re an idiot. Furthermore, Helen reassures you that your final wishes are all in your own hands. Just write a living will. She and her husband have one with an interesting twist:
“Mine states that unless the feeding tube is large enough for a piece of pie, I don’t want to be hooked up to it. Harold, of course, says his can only be connected to him if the other end is connected to a bottle of single malt scotch.”

Margaret and Helen have been friends since college in the Forties. I imagine them in their campus days somewhat like this
Helen also tackles Rush Limbaugh. At least as hard as she could if she weren’t confined to that scooter. But after Helen finishes chastising him for disparaging Walter Cronkite, Margaret weighs in and reveals her own crush on the famous newscaster:
“Helen, dear, we can certainly agree on one thing for sure. Walter Cronkite was a very sexy man. I tell you, he was the Anderson Cooper of his day. He could melt my butter each and every evening. He could toast my bread on both sides. He could float my boat, row it out to sea, and wait for it to return with the tide any day of the week.”
Don’t even get these gals started on Sarah Palin, Dick Cheney or Governor Sanford and Republican hypocricy.
Oh, and by the way, Margaret and Helen are not rated PG. More like R. Helen admits she loves to use words like shit, dumbass and bitch. She says they make her giggle.
Here’s one of her many takes on Newt Gingrich and Dick Cheney:
“No wonder these guys look bloated and constipated. They’re full of shit, and lots of it.”
Okay, that made me giggle. So new Internet Rule: when you are this funny and you’ve lived this long and still kept your edge, you get to use whatever language you want.
Viva Margaret and Helen!
Note: all of these images were found at random on Google Images. Neither is of Margaret and Helen. Just the Margaret and Helen of my imagination.
Oh gracious, thanks for pointing us in their direction. I think I want to be them when I grow up.
Wow, thanks for the tip. Those gals are awesome, and I can’t wait to read more.
I really appreciate your blog too. It’s soooo nice to read well-written, thoughtful stuff, rather than just whatever happened to spill onto someone’s keyboard each day. You’re a breath of fresh air, darlin’.
man, they sound like two fun broads. And now I am thankfully feeling a little younger. Just when I was starting to fret that most bloggers are 20 years my junior….
Oh thank you! Thank you! I laughed right out loud and frightened the dog but it was worth it. I wish I had a decent memory because I would be quoting Helen hourly!
I enjoy your blog immensely too. Thanks again for this extra gem!
If they were born in 1925, they are a little older than 82, small math issue. I’ve always threatened to do the silver blue hair one day, may do it still.
When I was a little girl I watched some little old ladies come into the beauty parlor for a wave set (not sure what they called it). The beautician put this wave goop on the hair and metal clamps would crimp in the wave. Then under the dryer with a heavy duty cloth mesh hairnet wrapped all around their heads (with pads over the ears to protect them from the hot metal I guess). I was sooooo jealous. They emerged with perfect rows of waves pressed flat against their heads. Hair was short. My straight as a stick hair wouldn’t hold anything. I leaned my head out of the dryer to hear the shushed gossip. Little enough that I sat on a stack of towels. Movie magazines and those drippy True Love trash wallows were in easy reach.
Glad your grammaws are blogging and enjoying themselves. As one of my old lady friends would say “We’re old, not dead!”
I guess they haven’t updated. Their bios say born in 1925, then elsewhere on the blog, they say they are 82.
Oh wow, these ladies are FUNNY! Thanks for sharing the link!
You had me laughing and my interest peaked…I’m off to visit!
I’m back to say THANK YOU. They said it better than anyone!
I guess the “gimmick” is that they are old. Or say they are. But that doesn’t mean they are intelligent or entertaining. Boring, predictable and just… old.
thank you so much! i’m enjoying them so much! i found YOUR blog via NaBloPoMo and am very glad i did! enjoying your posts. keep up the wonderful work.
I commented earlier on your post about the NBC sitcom Community, but I should say that like Jacque I too found you through NaBloPoMo, and also like Jacque, I’m glad I did! I *love* your blog. My blog wants to be like yours when it grows up, so I’ll be coming back here often. So far, I particularly enjoyed this post and the one about when you took your niece to Graceland. But all in all, I’m enjoying your blog, as well as your approach to life in general.
Keep up the awesome work!
Excellent site, keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,
A definite great read…:)
-Bill-Bartmann
I enjoy this site, it is worth me coming back