Image: http://whatscookingamerica.net
The simplistic Third Grade explanation for the Pilgrims’ journey is that they came here for religious freedom, the freedom to worship in a church other than the Church of England. I know better. They came to America for freedom from British culinary tyranny — for the freedom to have a proper Thanksgiving dinner. Being married to a Brit and surrounded by British friends, this is a battle I know. I fight it every year. It doesn’t help that each Thanksgiving, I somehow manage to have Americans outnumbered by Brits at my table.
It usually starts about a week or so before Thanksgiving:
Andy: Let’s do something different for Thanksgiving. How about a roast goose?
Me: NO, Thanksgiving is always about turkey.
Andy: Duck a l’Orange?
Me: No, turkey.
Andy: Shoulder of wild boar?
Me: No, it has to be what the Pilgrims ate.
Andy: How do you know they didn’t have a nice Beef Wellington?
This is “The First Thanksgiving” by Jean Louis Gerome Ferris. See only turkey, no Chateaubriand.
Then the emails start flooding in from the Brits who always join us. And it’s always about changing the menu and making it more British. Given that the British have a traditionally narrow range of foods they can eat, most of which are brown, this presents some difficulty.
Thufferin’ Thuccotash! Brits who come to my house are made to eat orange vegetables. Image copyright Warner Brothers.
For years, Rob has been lobbying for apple pie and ice cream instead of pumpkin pie. My friend Vickie, also a Brit, backs him up with this justification: “Pumpkin is a silly vegetable.” Her chief objection is that pumpkins are orange. In fact, orange vegetables are a major sticking point with the British. The only orange vegetable they’ll recognize are carrots. Not squash, not pumpkin, not sweet potatoes. None of the staples of Thanksgiving.
Vegetables themselves are a sticking point, not being a favorite for British palates. The latest campaign is to demand all their favorite starches from past Thanksgivings. So currently, I’m fielding a blizzard of emails demanding stuffing, cauliflower au gratin, garlic mashed potatoes AND roast potatoes. All in addition to the squash or sweet potato that I’m insisting stay on the menu (which they will quietly feed to the dogs). I know they are hoping starch overload will crowd out any need for vegetables.
My friend Susi, Rob’s wife and one of the other lone Americans, has been able to get Brussels Sprouts in without too much protest. But when you roast something with bacon and truffle oil, you can usually get a Brit to eat it. I did have some success with succotash in past years, but I think the novelty of eating something mentioned in a Looney Tunes cartoon hasn’t worn off for the Brits yet. They’re still having too much fun yelling out “Thufferin’ Thuckotash”.
The real challenge is Julian. He’s a former Oxford divinity student, and as such, can argue endlessly about how many pieces of vegetable can fit on the head of a pin. (About how many he would let pass his lips.) So getting into a Thanksgiving menu debate with him is a dangerous activity.
Julian: I don’t see why we have to stick with what the Pilgrims would eat. They probably were living on hardtack and salt pork. The menu should be open and flexible.
Me: No, the Indians brought all the food because the Pilgrims were crap as farmers. They would have starved without all the orange vegetables and turkey the Indians brought.
Julian: But I heard the Pilgrims travelled around a lot looking for a place to settle, so I think Thanksgiving should include the best of Europe: fondue, white truffles, caviar, Chateaubriand, the finest cheeses of France…
Andy tries to claim the dogs have votes — as Brits.
Okay, Julian got me on the cheeses, so for at least six years now our Thanksgiving meal has been followed by the most exquisite and extensive cheese plate outside of a Parisian Michelin starred restaurant — courtesy of Julian. That’s supplemented by a new tradition started by our highland friend Scotch Andrew who leads the men in an after-dinner tradition called “Drink and talk Scotch.” (I know Scotch is the drink and Scots are the drinkers, but try telling that to the English. To them, they’re both Scotch.) Andrew’s wife, Jan, also a Scot, has been recruited into the conspiracy and now brings an authentic sherry trifle. Presumably to crowd out the pumpkin pie. And while American Thanksgivings usually include the viewing of a football game or the Macy’s parade, ours always involves the screening of a James Bond movie.
About the only point of tradition the Brits will agree on is tobacco. Lots of tobacco. In the form of big cigars. Rob says it’s an homage to Squanto, practically a sacrament. He’s threatening to bring a peace pipe this year.
Yes, things can get tricky for me even when I use the tradition argument. Julian turns it against me on the grounds that on Thanksgiving I should respect America’s democratic ideals and let the majority rule. With four Brits, two Scots and three Americans, you know how that vote is going to go. I try to posit that my mother, as the oldest, should have extra voting power. They counter by throwing in Jan and Andrew’s two kids and saying they really count as Scots. Andy’s even claiming, since Smooth Fox Terriers are an ancient English breed, the dogs are two British votes. I argue that we beat the British in 1776 and bailed them out of two world wars, so that ought to count for something. Julian counters that we inflicted the world with Britney Spears, Glenn Beck and Jon and Kate, so we should be stripped of all our votes based on heinous crimes against humanity.
It becomes clear at this point that I can’t win on logic.
“You can have whatever you want on Guy Fawkes Night and St. Swithins Day and whatever other obscure British holiday you want to celebrate. But Thanksgiving is America’s Holiday. So we’re having turkey and orange vegetables and pumpkin pie.
‘Cause I’m the American, and I say so.”
and the indians didn’t bring along champagne to the party either, and we can’t ban that.
Anyone for Marmite?
I’m sure the Brits are secretly wishing I’d use marmite to baste the turkey. And love your blog name: Making Lard History.
I’m just guessing that Beef Wellington wasn’t created until after the Napoleonic wars, so it’s likely the Pilgrims wouldn’t have known about it. Goose is for Christmas. And sometimes Easter–in case the lamb runs out. Thanksgiving is all about the turkey and orange veg. Stick to your guns. Good luck!
Another Brit responds…only I am on your side…to a point.
I am not a great lover of Turkey as it reminds me of Christmas at home where Dad would cook the turkey and we , the family, would be eating turkey for days after. Cold turkey with lots of pickled onions, piccallili, red cabbage, gherkins followed by days of turkey sandwiches followed by weeks of Dad’s home made turkey soup. If only those birds were not so damn big! This year roast beef or a juicy steak sounds terrific.
On the other side I love orange vegetables…not just carrots. Squash is great, sweet potatoes are yummy. Pumpkin pie good too. Yuck! Cigars and cigarettes are definitely out with me. Red wine is in. Good beer is in but not pumpkin beer. Yuck! So many good American microbrews followed by a glass or two of a very fine Scottish single malt. Then, as we Brits always do, a nap.
Enjoy your Thanksgiving with my fellow Brits and invite me next year.
Mel
We’d add you to the guest list but that would tip the balance even more to the Brit side.
Luckily, after one of our feasts, there is usually just enough turkey left to make turkey curry the next day.
And you’ve been living in America much too long if you now love orange vegetables. They are going to take away your British passport.
I am afraid that I have been a bad boy.
I ran Las Vegas last year (it was my first completed marathon run.
I was inspired by the Running Elvi during that run. I was so motivated that this year, I am going to run as a member of the Running Elvi.
I wanted to show people what the Running Elvi were like so I borrowed a picture from you blog of last year. I did give the Left Coast Cowboys a plug. If you prefer that I remove it, I will. If you would like for me to give you personal picture credit, I will.
Let me know! It is on my website now!
I’m a jew and I was thinking of adding a brisket to our menu. I’m guessing that isn’t going to go over too well either.
Clickmom, can turkey not be made kosher? Well, maybe not with my sausage stuffing…
And Charles, I’ll look out for you with the Elvi in Vegas in December.
Very simple way to get Julian to stop complaining: ask him to help. I also know for a fact that he has every album Brittany Spears has ever made. Stand your ground! Try explaining to them that their unsolicited advice on what to prepare for a traditional national feast is about as welcome as it would be if you were to show up at their Mum’s house for Christmas and suggested that maybe they oughtn’t to have sausages wrapped in bacon this year as it’s not very healthy. You can give a tip of the hat to Englishness by incorporating an unwavering bloody-mindedness and insistance on doing things “properly” no matter what anyone else says or whatever improvement the alternative might make. Any complaints and they can fill themselves up on Julian’s cheese and crackers and if you don’t like turkey then you won’t be wanting any stuffing and gravy then either, will you?
But Cousin John, Julian only has Britney’s albums for the cover pictures.
The surprising thing is that after all is said and done, there are few leftovers.
So, I saw on Iron Chef the other night that the pilgrim probably had lobster at the first Thanksgiving so theres a new addition for you.
In my family the issue is whether to have the standard favorites or all the new things Matt & I want to try
In Colonial New England, lobster used to be consider “trash food”. Lobsters would crawl up on the beach at low tide so the poor people gathered and ate them. In fact, there were laws on the books in the 1700s to ban serving lobster too many times a week to your servants. It was considered cheap, if not cruel.
The worst Thanksgiving I ever had was when I in Vietnam. Everyone thought the two American girls would of course have been invited to countless Thanksgivings, so nobody actually invited us. We ate bangers and mash at a pub and a little tear developed in my eye. DO NOT serve bangers and mash! I also had Tday in Amsterdam one year where they put together an amazing traditional feast including covering a fish with mud and roasting it on a plank over an open fire. There was no turkey to be found (cornish game hens were the substitute), but they just didn’t get “squash pie”, my favorite part of Thanksgiving!!
We suggested eliminating the regular mashed potatoes and gravy since there were so many other, more exotic starches on the sideboard. One relative suggested that if space was a problem, the turkey needed to go before the mashed potatoes and gravy.
Good suggestion, Uncle Roger. Except the Brits are screaming for an all-starch meal. And they are fighting for the two potatoes.
Holy cow! How on earth do Brits have ANY say in an argument over food? I say their votes are voided on the mere fact of Haggis and trifle. Stand your ground, Lisa. We won. They lost. It’s your kitchen; and for your sake…DO NOT ASK THEM TO COOK!
Let’s give Maybelline a big Amen! Happy Thanksgiving, Lisa, and by all means keep the Brits out of the kitchen.
While I enjoy a pumpkin pie occasionally, in the words of Garrison Keillor, “The best pumpkin pie you ever ate is really not that much better than the worst pumpkin pie you ever ate.” Yet, it is a strong tradition and merits our admiration for having survived as long as it has. We began our own family tradition many years ago when we realized none of us really cared for turkey. We were much more thankful for barbeque ribs than for a dry turkey. So our Thanksgiving meal will feature a good ol’ Texas BBQ! Whatever you end up with on the table, I know you’ll enjoy it and the company of friends and family. That is what it’s all about!