You might have caught the news about one of the world’s most ancient languages which just became extinct when the last native speaker died at 85. What went unreported was another event of at least the same cultural significance. Namely, the last household in the economically developed world without a microwave just succumbed. That would be my house. After decades of resisting one of the more evil forces of Westernization, I’ve purchased a microwave. It took the threat of imminent starvation to do it.
My problem with the microwave is not that I’m technology-averse. I’m an early adopter of all Apple products and I’m the Mechanical Gadget Queen: GPS devices, heart rate monitors, any number of MP3 players. I love ’em all. My problem with the microwave, and my position against buying one lo these many years, is that they are essentially useless technology. By that, I mean that a microwave can’t do anything that another device can’t do better. Except the few things that it can do which are really not particularly needed.
Want to make a great meal fast? The pressure cooker can make a from-scratch meal just as fast and make it three times better. Microwaves seem to alter the texture of foods. And not for the better. By contrast, the pressure cooker infuses everything it cooks with concentrated flavor. My verdict: the ecological niche of “fast cooking” is more than adequately filled. No need for a microwave.

Microwave noodle meals. If they served this in Abu Graib, human rights groups would be screaming.
“But”, say the microwave groupies, “you can’t warm up last night’s left overs as well in a pressure cooker.” My retort, how about the barest minimum of preplanning. Is it really so onerous to turn on the stove or the toaster oven and warm something up? Especially when conventional cookers don’t change the food texture and, as a bonus, give you that nice brown crustiness on, say, a cheese topped meal?

This is the disaster area that is now my kitchen. Except the large appliances have been trucked off to various charities.
And really, how much do you want to build your diet around “warming up leftovers”? It seems to me, the things microwave fans point to as “better warmed up in the microwave”, like spaghetti, are things that should never be served as leftovers in the first place. Do you think any self-respecting Italian is eating warmed up spaghetti? I think they cook the pasta they plan to serve ten minutes before they serve it. Maybe I have too much time on my hands, but when something as fast and easy as pasta is too much to squeeze into my schedule, well, time to think about better time management. Oh, and boiling water? The British would have two words for you: Atomic Teapot. Faster than a microwave, thank you.
Then our current kitchen remodel left us with no refrigerator, sink, stove or dishwasher. Andy warned me that we’d have to get a microwave. Especially since now the only area with a sink, counter and refrigerator is the mini-bar in our bedroom. Somehow, the idea of cookery in the bedroom, including washing dishes there and trucking the garbage down the stairs, has not been appealing. Nope, the kind of cookery you want to do in these situations involves grabbing something shelf-stable, that can be eaten in what it’s cooked in — preferably something that can be chucked in the garbage immediately after consumption. Hello Microwave.

My Goddaughter demonstrates the face I make when eating microwaved foods. Come to think of it, commercial baby food is pretty shelf-stable. Hmmm.
Still, I didn’t go without a fight. But one week of subsisting on yogurt, fruit, trail mix and Whole Foods’ salad bar had me desperate for alternatives. I cadged a meal from friends, but with weeks more of kitchen remodel ahead of me, I’m not sure how much I can count on that option.
So now I have a microwave. I got a black one to reflect its Satanic properties. I haven’t gotten much beyond oatmeal. Which is as unevenly heated as I expected. And Annie Chun microwave soups meals. Which are as horrible and faux food as I knew they would be. I may microwave a sweet potato. I’m sure the texture will be strangely mealy and not as beautifully caramelized as if it were cooked in a proper oven. I probably won’t get beyond that. I can’t bear to. And when this remodel is done, some shelter in San Francisco may be recipient of an only slightly used microwave.
Having been through the kitchen remodel thing a few years ago I can empathize. Our solution: find six or seven favorite restaurants and plan on putting their children through school.
I must correct your scientific find. Our house does not have a microwave.
I look forward to watching your kitchen evolve. Really. I will be learning from your mistakes.
Wow. Just read my comment. I’m assuming you will make mistakes. That’s nonesense.
I look forward to learning from your entire remodeling experience.
That’s a bit better.
That’s okay, Maybelline. We most certainly will make mistakes. In fact, I think this is what this blog is all about. “Kids, don’t try this at home…or in a vineyard.”
I agree 100% about what a microwave does to food and the texture.
It’s embarrassing that I have one – and how little I use it for.
However – I did just discover microwaving rice. Regular long grain rice. (not “microwave in a plastic container rice”). It was great. Okay – it was good. Especially since it was ready in 8 minutes – and the rest of my meal was done and waiting to be served. (ops! That’s what happens when you don’t pay attention to what you’re cooking.)
Again, I refer to the pressure cooker. Perfect rice every time. And risotto? Right every time, in minutes and with no stirring.
Did you consider a waffle iron 😉
http://www.waffleizer.com/
The only food I have found that tastes/works better in the microwave – spaghetti squash.
Looks delicious. Problem is: no place to wash up but a little bar sink, no fridge except for a little bar model.
“I can’t feel sorry for you!”
Lisa, you will find uses for the microwave out of sheer desperation during the remodel. It’s okay. Really.
Neighborhood restaurants are a good thing to have. Gary is on to something. I broke down and bought a microwave “toy” ,as I called it back in the summer of 1988. No air conditioning in the house, historic drought and many days of temps above 100. It made life more bearable for me for a short period time. I had a family to feed and no money for restaurants.
Now I use the timer on the current microwave as much as the oven. Himself would not do without it and he does majority of the cooking.
Even though I know it is against your principles, we really like Hormel Italian roast beef with au jus. Four minutes and ready to eat. Good luck :>)
I still don’t think anyone has convinced me yet that the microwave can do something useful that other appliances can’t do. Cooking in 105 degree Sonoma heat in an unairconditioned barn, I found the slow cooker to be marvelous. Emits no heat AND tenderizes cheaper cuts of meat. All it requires is that you schedule your five to ten minutes of work (depending what you have to cut up) four or five hours before you want to eat it.
That said, in my current situation, I’m quickly becoming a fruitarian.
Lisa…I agree with you. I really only use it to heat water for tea, 2mins makes perfect green tea. But you can do that with a teapot too. I never “cook” in it. But with your remodeling you will find other things to do with it, going out to meals all the time gets boring.
Denial also at play here. You have no appliances, or maybe I read it wrong:>)
Nope, nothing operational at all in the kitchen. I should just shut up and make due. But, hey, I’d rather whine.
Whining is good. Beats screaming. Just keep remembering you will have a wonderful kitchen on the other side. A mantra will help.
Still proudly microwave free.