Anyone who’s been following my blog knows I’ve been under pressure to buy a gun, mostly from the British contingent. As my friend Rob says, “You’re an American. It’s part of your culture.” The plan accelerated two years ago when Republican blog chatter started claiming Obama was going to clamp down on gun ownership. I’d never thought much about having a gun, but when it suddenly seemed as if it was going to stop being easy to get one, I thought more seriously about getting myself armed up. What? You don’t think an East Coast educated Liberal needs a gun? Ever seen Jimmy Stewart in The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance? I rest my case.
And you see that’s been my problem. I’ve been basing my gun choices on my favorite cowboy stars. If Clint, John or Gary were packin’ it, I was ready to buy it. My other mistake, apparently, was to work backward from whatever it was I wanted to kill — which was, basically, nothing. Seems that’s the wrong approach. Or at least that’s what they told me today down at The Last Gun Shop.
Some situations just call for full disclosure. So when the young (and heavily armed) young man behind the counter asked, “How can I help you”, I spoke right up:
“Can you help a Liberal buy a gun?”
That brought all the tough guys, many in camouflage jackets, crowding around the counter. Clearly I was not a typical visitor to gun shops. Even shops this close to Wine Country. (It should be noted that the town of Napa is actually a lot closer to hunting territory than it is to sipping territory. You have to go up the Valley a bit to find Cabernet instead of Calibers.)
“Well, do you have any idea what kind of gun you are looking for?”
“I kind of had my heart set on a Belle Starr/Miss Kitty sort of thing. You know a derringer. Maybe with a pearl handle.”
My nice young clerk wasn’t even going to dignify this with an answer. So I tried another tack. That full disclosure thing.
“See, I’m living part time out in the country. Alone. And there is a Mountain Lion on our property.”
As he reached for a shotgun that looked as if it would take down a buffalo, I quickly added:
“Oh, I don’t want to shoot the Mountain Lion. In fact, knowing Mountain Lions, I don’t think I’d even see it if it decided to leap off a ledge onto my neck. Actually, we’ve had some break-ins and I was looking for a gun for protection.”
That led to a completely different gun case. But still a series of firearms that looked entirely too deadly for my tastes.
As I gingerly tried hefting some of the rifles, I worked up the courage to make my real goal known:
“You know, I think I just want to scare someone away. What would happen if I shot someone with this gun?”
The answer was short and to the point: “He would die.”
“Um, do you have something that would just spray a little buckshot but not really kill or maim anyone? Kind of like the gun Dick Cheney used to shoot his friend in the face.”
As soon as I said it, I expected a sneer of contempt. But never underestimate the kindness of Gun Shop people.
“Look, why don’t we find you something that’s big enough that the Bad Guys can see it. And that is loud enough that it scares them.”
“I think this is going to be the right gun for you”, said my new Gun Shop Buddy. “Listen to the sound of this pump action.”
You know that dramatic Tschhhhhh-Tsch sound when The Man With No Name pumps up his gun before the gunfight? That’s the sound this gun makes.
“There”, said my Gun Shop Buddy, “anyone sane and clean who hears this sound will know you mean business. You won’t even have to fire a shot.”
“Great”, said I, “Just what I want. A pre-emptive firearm.”
“Of course, if a meth-head is coming at you, you’ll completely re-evaluate your desire not to shoot anything.”
Hmmmm. Maybe. But I’m hoping the combination of terrier howling and now my completely bad-ass Western sounding pump action rifle will keep all but the baddest dudes away.
So now I just have to wait out ten days while the ATF checks out if I have any felonies to my name.
Call me a traitor to my political affiliations, but I’m kind of liking the idea of being armed.
My only question now:
Addendum: If you’re stumped by my Liberty Valance reference, this’ll help ya Pilgrim:
*wheeze* – Ahhh, we have you now – *wheeze* – your conversion to the Dark Side is complete – *wheeze*
Doesn’t your lovely blue and wood masterpiece of engineering look lonely sitting there all by itself? It’s a specialized tool, good for certain situations. What if you are invited to a Cowboy Shoot? You’ll have to have a couple of six shooters fer shure, Cowgirl! They’re like Lays – you can’t have just one!
Plus we of the Dark Side have cookies!
Seriously, I’d recommend shooting it once in a while just to have the muscle memory necessary to operate it in a tense situation. The shot spreads, but not so much that aiming is unnecessary. Blue rock or clay pigeons and a hand thrower are cheap, and a surprising amount of skill is needed to knock them out of the sky. Recoil is managed better when a shotgun is “on the move” – if you stand stationary and shoot at a target, it seems worse. Remember the scene in Pulp Fiction when the kid came out blasting at Jules and Vincent? Having the dangerous end pointed roughly at a bad guy isn’t enough.
Study and live the “Four Rules.” Responsible gun owners who observe safety rules stay out of the headlines.
Congrats – you have a well proven trouble free designed shotgun that will last several lifetimes with minimal care. Wear well!
Thanks for the advice. My next step is Gun Safety Class and setting up sandbags and a picture of Bin Laden for target practice. What I want to master is the John Wayne rifle twirling trick from the opening of Stagecoach. That’s the way to shoot.
If you want something, ask for it by name! We laughed our asses off at this. “Kind of like the gun Dick Cheney used to shoot his friend in the face.” Thanks, Lisa!
We’ve also reconsidered our war on terror, although our new tag line doesn’t exactly reveal our softer side, either.
http://raleighpop.wordpress.com/2010/02/28/a-note-on-the-tag-line-change/
Good luck with the background check!
If yer gonna be shootin’ like the Duke, twirlin’ yer gun, yer gonna need a lever action rifle, cowgirl!
He was partial to the Winchester 1992 variant, but he also was seen using the later 1894. He also had the large loop lever fitted to his guns. It didn’t hurt that he was tall with long arms, either. A carbine with a 16″ barrel would be easier for shorter arms than a standard 20″ barrel.
Winchesters so equipped aren’t made anymore, so finding one is difficult. Not necessarily expensive, just difficult. I lost my ’94 large loop carbine to a home burglary last year, and have been keeping an eye on the gun auction sites, and there just aren’t many showing up for sale. However, there are several companies making ’92 “clones” in pistol calibers for Cowboy Action Shooting that are readily available. Or, you can buy the rifle in the barrel length and caliber you wish, and have a loop lever fitted by a gunsmith. Or you could buy one of these Winchester made ’92 commemoratives, but you couldn’t shoot it or even cock the thing without seriously devaluing the gun. There is an older commemorative (I had one for a while) made in the early eighties in .32-40 that is a ’94 model. I got tired of just looking at it, and sold the thing.
Or you could go with a small caliber lever action – I’d recommend a Henry Golden Boy in .22LR. It is an “homage” to the Winchester 1866 “Yellow Boy.” I’ve got one, and I highly recommend it – the balance is good, the sights are superb, the action is smooth, and they are relatively inexpensive compared to the similar Winchesters and Marlins. My original one was also stolen, but it was the first one replaced. It’s my first line of defense against certain four legged and no legged trespassers. A .22 of some kind is as important a tool to have on a farm as a hammer, IMHO.
Well, enough of the gun minutiae – a Bin Laden target? Yer gonna have the local chapter of CAIR after ya! I’m gonna keep an eye on ya – if I start seeing pics of the Prius all done out a la Mad Max and you in cycle leathers with bandoleers……
Whew! But how much does it show that I’m now “in the life” that I’ve already checked out the Cowboy Action Shooting sites. Well, thanks for being my Go To Straight Shooter. Expect more questions once I get my hot little fists on that gun.
And RaleighPop, I thought you were fighting a war on Fox Terrorism. That war never ends.
Riot! This post is a complete riot. Welcome, Sister. Conservatism welcomes you (even if it is a baby step).
Can you please confirm the sign in the window:
SAVE CALIFORNIA
VOTE THE BASTARDS OUT
Won’t you consider a Mastiff to backup your terriers. Your terriers may think they’re Mastiffs; but the cougar will prove otherwise.
I really enjoyed this.
Yup. That’s the reading of the sign. And one I heartily approve of. There is no need for term limits. We have a chance every two years to “throw the bums out” if they aren’t performing. If they are performing, I’ll gladly keep them around for several terms.
I’m still not relinquishing my belief in some sort of gun control. Even Wyatt Earp relied on it. Everyone had to surrender their guns upon entering Dodge City and Tombstone when he was Sheriff. However, Johnny Cash taught us that lesson: “Don’t take your guns to town.”
I’m actually not so worried about the Cougar. As solitary hunters, they aren’t interested in attacking a crowd or anything that looks like it might fight back.
My blogging buddy over at the 7MSN Ranch said, if you are going to get horses or livestock and you have coyotes around, you better have a gun. As for the local punks, I’m hoping the look of the barrel and the sound of me loading it will be enough to scare them off in the unlikely scenario that they brave the earsplitting barking of terriers and decide to proceed with a break-in.
Well Lisa, this Brit would never push you to buy a gun of any kind for any reason. I have a very personal hatred of them for one reason. I lost my best friend to a shotgun incident when we were just 14 years old. I left his house less than an hour before the accident. The discharge of their power is usually…fatal! A life snuffed out in a fraction of a second.
Good to read that you will be taking a gun safety course. Is that a requirement in California? And make sure the robber is actually inside your home before you fire your gun.
In spite of the light-hearted nature of this post, I do realize that gun ownership is a serious responsibility.
I actually don’t anticipate any robbers getting in the house. People go into that “line of work” because they don’t want to work very hard. And facing the barking of multiple terriers probably indicates more “work” than the actual robber wants to go through. My trigger finger will be reaching for the iPhone and the Sheriff on speed dial long before it goes for the Remington.
My real reason for the gun is more the wildlife that I might encounter — coyotes, Mountain Lions or rabid or nasty dogs (not my own). I’ve been advised that, if you have horses and coyotes in the same area, you better have a gun.
Oh, and wild turkeys. Destructive non-native grape eating beasts, if the terriers don’t get them, I will.
It is indeed a serious responsibility, and it appears you’re going about it sensibly.
(The terriers surely have earned their keep as watchcritters.)
Awesome! There is nothing sexier than a woman that know how to handle a pump action shot gun. But seriously, don’t get sucked into the Liberal-Conservative BS debate. I’m the biggest liberal I know and I own an AK-47, 38 revolver, and a 12 gauge pump also. Due to the nature of my work, I also have a handgun concealed carry permit that covers 23 states and counting. Liberals have the right and the responsibility to protect their families also. Now you must learn how to use, maintain, and store your new gun. I suggest you decide if your new shotgun will be used for home defense or killing critters around the “cement pond” err vineyard. It will determine how you store the weapon. Remember, even an unloaded pump action shotgun has limited utility at 2AM when a crack addict is breaking into your kitchen window. Never aim or brandish your weapon unless you are willing to fire, there is nothing worst than getting killed by your own gun. And one more piece of advice, learn the California intruder/home self defense laws, you don’t want to go to jail because the criminal you shot falls out of a window, at least you will know when to drag them back into the house.
Two weeks ago, a UAH professor in Huntsville killed 3 and wounded 3 at a faculty meeting. The second my wife got home that day, I told her we were going to buy her a semi-auto handgun and get her a carry permit. I haven’t yet, but thanks for reminding me.
Yipes! Say I watch too much Law & Order, but I’m hoping to leave the shooting of people to our excellent Sonoma County Sheriffs. As I said, my trigger finger is reaching for the iPhone and 911 before it touches the gun. I have the most finely tuned alarm in the form of two terriers. If a leaf flutters to the ground 200 yards away, they set up a howl. So no meth head is going to sneak up on us here. If need be, I’ll have plenty of time to load a gun if it comes to that.
Target practice is fun. You will enjoy it. I would have thought that a military brat …. Smiling. You seem to have made a good choice. I don’t have any shotgun experience, mostly a 22 rifle, and then there is the one we called the elephant gun. It was an old Swiss army rifle, 7.5 mil. Like an M1.
When my ex finally moved his stuff out of the house and to his girlfriend/now wife’s apartment in the West End of Cincy, I told him that he was not in any shape to have weapons and he could have them when they moved to a place with secure storage :>) I am assuming that there are now safely stored in the burbs of NKY.
My aunt was a great shot, but not emotionally stable. She once shot my cousin’s tires out to keep her from meeting a certain boyfriend. Pistol, always a pistol.
BTW My sister spotted no fewer than 60 wild turkeys in a field off the side of the Western Kentucky Parkway yesterday afternoon, five separate groups. I was driving. They sure are not endangered anymore. Tons of them everywhere in this state. I’ve had to stop a car to let them cross a road in Campbell County in the last three years.
How did you know that I’m a huge Law and Order fan? All I know about the law I learned watching Law and Order. Some day I will tell you how I beat a traffic ticket w/ my Law and Order education. I didn’t mean to frighten you but gun ownership is very serious. No one ever expects to fire a weapon at an intruder in their home, and you probably never will. And if you don’t intend to us it for home defense, buy a gun safe so no one else can use it either. When my wife was 4, her and friend found her fathers gun and fire it accidentally. No one was hurt, and we laugh about it now but you know the statistics.
BTW, I bought the AK-47 the day I took my friend, Scott from Santa Barbara, to the shooting range. I’ve fired most military weapons so the AK-47 is just another rifle to me but you should have seen the glee on Scott’s face as he unloaded the 30 round banana clip. There is nothing funnier than a white middle aged bald dorky computer geek firing an AK-47. I doubt he hit the target all day but he loved the experience.
Turkeys are fine and native back East. They were imported here and they are destructive. So far none have invaded my vineyard, so I’m giving the coyotes credit for that.
And thanks, Bin. I still stand by my suggestion for your new blog tagline: “Just another Liberal packing heat.”
As another British import who had guns before the laws changed in UK, I’m getting a strong feeling of deja vu about the whole gun control movement. Would hate to see our guns going into a crusher again.
Now on to serious matters. A gun safety course is first, do they have hunter ed courses near you? In Oregon it’s almost mandatory now to have completed a hunter Ed course before getting a hunting licence if your under a certain age. I assist in these courses, training youngsters & more recently adults as well. Secondly a concealed carry licence, or concealed carry permit is another recomended course to take. Apart from being trained to handle fire arms safely in the case of revolvers & pistols, you can also take shotgun courses for home defence through these trainers. Even if you have no intention of ever carrying a firearm on your person, concealed or otherwise. The practical part of the course will get you extremly familiar with safe control of a handgun. The course we took here in Oregon entails a whole day on the firing range, which in our case was the local law enforcement range. We both shot a total of 400 rounds each at various targets from up close to 15 yds away.
If nothing else, after firing 400 rounds, you will certainly be very familiar with handling a hand gun. Also, if you are intending doing ‘vermin’ control on your property, get a copy of the California dept of Fish & Wildlife hunting regulations & check just what you can legally shoot in your part of California & if you need to get land owner tags, or controlled tags. You will need to get a hunting licence for any sort of vermin control, as you certainly have to in Oregon & knowing how strict California is on anything else to do with guns, I’m pretty sure it will be required to have in Sonoma County.
Of course, if you are ever up this part of the world in Coastal Oregon, we would be happy to take you & Andy out for some target shooting with our range of pistols, revolvers, shotguns & rifles, to help you feel more comfortable handling fire arms.
Lisa,
I am of the firm conviction that if I were to buy a gun I would be the one wound up shot by it.
Statistics do tend to support my neurosis so I’ll leave gun owning to my next life, along with opera and football.
Have fun, don’t shoot any terroriers and take that class!
Ed
definitely mount a gunrack to your car 😀 the whole rife vs. pistol thing always confuses me – as wouldn’t it be a lot quicker to whip out a pistol if you had an intruder??
After spending a short time, in my youth, with bikers (H.A,s. Redwood city chapter) rifle versus pistols became very clear to me. I have seen bikers rip a pistol out of a mans hand and beat him badly with his own piece. While the nastiest largest biker i ever met , backed away from a shotgun leveled, at him, by a small hippy woman, at a wedding the club had raided. Hard to miss with a shotgun, not so with a pistol, while under stress.
During the 2008 election I remember hearing Governor Schweitzer (sp) of Montana saying that where he lives gun control means the ability to hit what you are aiming at.
Gun racks are pretty cool. Gun safe is a good thing too. Somebody failed to lock gun safe and my now 42 year old brother, then twoish, walked out into the family room with a rifle and scared the babysitter half to death. He had to be dragging it on the floor.
Your rationale for the shotgun makes perfect sense, don’t be led astray by Jane as Cat Ballou pictures.
I expect ‘the right’ is far closer to using the trigger to enforce their ideals than is the left. The left always assumes logic kicks in before violence. Around the world, this has shown to not be the case. I’m a damn pinko commie bay area liberal, and I’m fully loaded. However, I’m fully loaded inside a secure five digit gun safe. When you really really need a gun, you will have warning. The attempted revolution will be televised. Guns are of almost zero value against burglars and sole predators. BUT, they can be very useful if you think the shit has just hit the fan.
The most memorable and sage advice I received during ‘gun class’ was never, ever, NEVER never pick up the gun unless you intend to kill. That stuck with me. Makes crystal clear sense.
The only time I would hesitate would be if intruder appeared to be under 18..the mama bear in me would become more mama than bear and I’d probably take another approach..
I will note however it is my belief that having a gun prevented a potential very very bad situation last year when we had an intruder while we were home ( in good neighborhood…hm maybe that is why ). During 911 call be sure to mention that the GOOD GUY has gun on bad guy. We had 5 cars respond in a nano second when I mentioned gun involved. All resolved well, ‘Roy’ the robber went back to jail as he was on parole.
Be prepared, because I would never have guessed, our house, our neighborhood, and two cars in driveway. You never know.. Have a PLAN! suan