Why can the media just not get terriers right? First there is the deplorable tendency to think that Jack Russells are the only terriers, when the terrier cognoscenti know that Smooth Fox Terriers are the best terriers. Hollywood even swaps in Jack Russells in the movie versions of books that were famously about Fox Terriers. (The director of My Dog Skip has still not been forgiven in this household.) So far  A Single Man director Tom Ford (who cannot be praised enough, although I have tried) is the only one to really understand the cinematic potential of Smooth Fox Terriers. (Unless you count the ING commercials that for some reason used to feature a Smooth Fox Terrier attacking people.) Now FX is set to premier a new series called Terriers. I was excited for about five minutes until I found out there is nary a terrier in the series. In fact there is a bulldog in the pilot episode. And occasionally the dreaded Jack Russell shows up in the teaser for the series.

So it turns out the series really has nothing to do with terriers. It’s about two down-on-their-luck schmucks turned private eyes. I’m going to give it a chance because it features the always amusing Donal Logue and that sexy guy who played the Cajun serial killer in the first season of True Blood. But really. If you are going to take the bold, and may I say, wise decision to call a series Terriers, why not bring in some real terriers.

Okay, keep Logue. Keep the Cajun killer guy. But can you imagine the possibilities if the series prominently featured some real terriers? As I’ve said to Tom Ford, “Have I got just the terriers for your next feature.” Private eye sidekicks? Oscar and Lucy were born to play these roles.

terriers fighting

After all, private eyes need some muscle to back them up. Muscle? How about teeth?

lucy on cowskin rug

Private eyes must be masters of disguise. How’s this for undercover?

Oscar on the beach

The show is shot in San Diego. I would think that would require someone who looks hot running on the beach. That wouldn’t be Donal Logue, but Oscar can take those scenes.

Oh, the possibilities are endless. But, Hollywood, I’m getting tired of lecturing you about this. The early reviews say Terriers is looking like a pretty good show, so I’ll give it a chance. But you are on notice: I want a terrier showing up by at least episode three. If there isn’t a Smooth Fox Terrier by the fourth week, I’m calling my lawyer. Or worse yet, I’m unleashing the wrath of terriers on you.

Don’t make me take the leashes off!