Apparently there is a list in the Halls of Justice in San Francisco. My name is at the top of it. Underlined. With a gold star next to it. Annotated with “Call this woman. She shows up.” That’s because every year, to the day, on which I was last called for jury duty (the absolute legal minimum time before they can call me again), they send me another summons. It’s not that I resent doing my civic duty. It’s just that I’m having a hard time believing that every single year — for the last two decades or so! — San Francisco has managed to cycle through every available juror and ended up with my name again.
Let’s do the math, because the math backs me up. Yes, there are a lot of people in the Bay Area, but only residents of San Francisco proper are eligible to serve on City juries. There are about 750,000 of us. Let’s be generous and assume a good half of us are under 18, non-citizens, recent felons or otherwise ineligible to serve. That gives us 375,000 for our potential pool. Now, over the years, I’ve guessed that, judging by the crowd in the jury duty waiting room, about 200 of us are called every week. But let’s up that to 400 in case I miscounted. Now let’s assume the courts convene for 50 weeks out of the year — which is really giving government offices credit for attendance. They are going to need 400 people per week as potential jurors. That leaves us with 20,000 potential jurors needed per year. Out of our potential 375,000 San Francisco eligible citizens! How can they come back to my name every 365 days? At this rate of calculation, my number should only come up every 16 years or so. Let’s half that number assuming I’m as bad at math as I think I am. That’s still only every eight years! Is it any wonder that several years ago, I declared myself The Last Living Juror in San Francisco?
So next week, I take my place in the annals of Western Justice.
The only thing that has kept me from lodging a formal complaint has been my incredible luck with jury duty. For the last twenty years, every year, I’ve either been on standby the whole time, required only to call in at 4:30 every day to find I don’t need to show. Or I’ve shown up one day for the jury pool and been told I’m not needed and I’ve served my time: “Thank you for your service”. Well, that luck just ran out.
This year’s service started in the same pattern. I was on standby Monday, then told I didn’t need to show Tuesday until 1PM. I expected that half day to be my only day of service. Then my name was called into a court as a member of a jury pool. Next the judge came out and started to explain to our group how our entire democracy would collapse into anarchy if we didn’t serve and that, furthermore, he’s only taking a doctor’s note testifying to terminal disease which will kill us this afternoon as an excuse. That’s never a good sign. Next we had to take an oath swearing that we would answer his next question truthfully or be dragged off in chains. He asked if there were any compelling reason why we couldn’t serve in the jury pool. Show of hands if you have no excuse. I raised my hand. Bam! I’m in the pool. Now he starts explaining that he thinks this trial will take until the first week of April — middle of the month at the outside — to complete. Which means this is not just your average Judge Judy traffic court/roommate dispute kind of thing. I’m on an O.J. level jury. And for the sake of government work, let’s double that time estimate. I could possibly be on a jury until May!
The real Wyatt Earp is buried just south of the City. Maybe I can convince the judge to let me do an independant study project on the good Marshall instead of serving on a jury. Wouldn't that serve Western Justice as well?
I watch Law & Order. I know how this goes. First we’ll be sequestered in a roach motel, living on cheap pizza and take-out. Then the Russian Mob, Mexican drug cartels or soldiers in the Masucci crime family will reach out and try to intimidate us into voting “Not Guilty.” From there, it’s Witness Protection somewhere in Montana. It’s not that I mind relocating to a rural setting. I’m doing that gig already. Only part time and in a place with better weather and more varied produce.
I have a week’s reprieve until my sentence service. I have to show up next Tuesday for voir dire. (Law & Order fans, you know what that means.) I’ve got a week to figure out how to present myself as an extreme racist who would vote to convict anyone who wasn’t a White Protestant Republican. But then again, the perp could be a White Protestant Republican. So even if I locate a KKK or White Power T-shirt, I still risk looking like somebody’s dream juror.
I’m getting no sympathy at home. Perhaps that’s because Andy has several business trips scheduled during that time that just happen to involve famous ski resorts in Europe. (He claims it’s just a coincidence.)
I, on the other hand, am facing up to four weeks where I’m assuming I won’t be able to read a newspaper, get online or blog. In fact, I’m probably breaking the law by blogging right now.
Of course, if that’s a felony, it could be a way out…
**********
Note: The image at the top of this post shows Jimmy Stewart in Destry Rides Again. I chose it because the judge in this trial is a dead ringer for an older Jimmy Stewart. Which, in my wildest dreams, would make me Marlene Dietrich.
I lived in SF for 9 years (until 1998). My husband and I got called every single year like clockwork, too. Someone told me (who knows if it’s true) is that there are more courts in SF than other places…like there is a SF County, SF City, Federal District Court, etc. Who knows, but apparently, there is a greater need for jurors than other cities.?
I got called three years ago. I was self-employed with two major clients having projects kick-off, which I was the sole manager. Somehow, by putting that on my juror notice and then saying that I could financially afford to give a week of my own time, but nothing more, they put me only in the pool for short trials. I don’t know if it was an official reason, but maybe they liked that I said I could give a week?
In other notes, one of the executives from my company was on a FIVE MONTH TRIAL in SF. I heard that he loved the trial experience and didn’t miss work at all, but his co-workers and staff hated it because they had to do his job.
Hmmm Lesley, If San Francisco is so riddled with perps, why did Dick Wolf, when he spun the Law & Order franchise out of Manhattan, not do Law & Order: San Francisco?
Good luck with the jury duty. Best to just be yourself. I am assuming that you have terrier help on hand in case you are sequestered while Andy is off skiing.
L&O LA probably because it is cheaper to produce than San Francisco. Even has big batch of soap actors. Used those heavily for New York. Of course I don’t think the show will last long.
Thank you for serving. I know that I would want thoughtful people on a jury if I was in trouble. This will give you a great chance to enhance your Spanish skills with all the study time provided during jury duty.
Nope, no electronic devices allowed since I’ve been selected for a jury pool — not just waiting to be called. Next week I report right to the courtroom with no phone, no laptop and probably no newspapers. And that’s just before I get placed on a jury, if I do.
Montana is highly under-rated. Although it gets a little nippy in the winter. (But the skiing is good…). We disavow any knowledge of this blog post, but are going to start combing the SF papers for news of ‘the trial of the century’ so that we can’t tell you what the media is reporting. 🙂 Every year, huh? Wow. I’ve only been called up twice, and since my husband is legally handicapped and I am his official care-giver, the (apparently nicer) Utah judges have always sent me packing.
-Dr. Liz (Fiona and Abby the dogs have yet to be called for jury duty – I think it’s because they are both still too young!)
Oh. And in North Carolina my brother tried the “I think that if someone is in court they must be guilty” line, and was still picked as an alternate. Apparently he wasn’t particularly convincing. You might want to invest in a ‘John Birch Society’ t-shirt (because they scare pretty much everyone…). Just saying… 😉
-Dr. Liz (again, no comments from the dogs)
If I am, as I suspect, in the jury pool for the Barry Bonds trial (which starts the first day of my service!) I’m going to have to run around with my hands over my ears going “Lalalalalalalala”.
Tell the judge the voices in your head told you to stay at home and clean your guns. They don’t need to know it’s actually singular.
On another note, I’d want you on any jury that had to serve at MY trial. Even if it didn’t go the way I might want, I’d know you’d be fair!
“Thank you for serving.” 20+ years in the Army, you hear that alot. Those are some of the most sincere words one American can utter to another. Still, at times, those words don’t make the service any easier – but rest assured, without your service and the other 200-365 with you, our government WOULD fall into anarchy! Sometime in the distant future, when the gag order expires, you can blog all about it! We’re looking forward to the “real story”!
As I say, I’d happily do the service if I didn’t sometimes feel that I’m one of the very few doing the service. That’s us: The Few, The Proud, The Jurors Who Serve.
And Jeffro, I do have guns although one is an antique and hasn’t been fired in 50 years. But yes, I could be fair in any situation. Unless someone were being tried for hurting terriers…
Shoot, I wouldn’t mind serving in the jury for the Barry Bonds trial. But, I have a high tolerance for sitting still and am easily amused.
Sorry dear, they seem to have gotten your number in more ways than one. How will you manage the wine and the Spanish and viviculture courses?
Sounds like I need to plan how to drive to SF Airport by myself the end of April. Maybe another limo is in order. You could always say you have an ancient disabled mother who needs to attend “The Last Hurrah”at West Point.
And I thought radiation, the poor Japanese, Libyans, Aussies were the problems. But it is really what hits each person in their own lives that matter.
Andy shouldn’t be allowed to go skiing while you sequester- just because he’s a lucky Brit who can’t be called.
Mom
After this round of “service” you should present the courthouse with your statistical evidence to back up your theory. It is awfully odd that you are being summoned that much, but knowing your intelligence and doggedness (and I’m not just referring to the terriers) – I bet you make an incredible juror.