Through Andy’s work contacts, we’ve been invited to the U.S. Open at the San Francisco Olympic Club. I am not a golfer, but my father was a lifelong afficianado (8 handicap) and I went to college surrounded by East Coast Preppies. So I know that “proper golf attire” — which is what the invitation mandated for the event and the dinner afterward — is not that easy to attain. If you golf at one of the more traditional clubs, you know that golf clothes are a genre unto themselves. There is no cross-sport dressing. What you might wear for playing any other sport will not be acceptable for golf. Maybe at some of the more casual courses in the West. But the Olympic Club, despite being in San Francisco, is really a suburb of Darien Connecticut. Traditional golf attire is required. I do know my traditional golf attire from years of listening to my father complain that golfers didn’t know how to dress properly any more. His home course was in Maine and his vacation course was in Bermuda, two of the few places where those exacting sartorial standards are still understood.
So you’ll understand, that when I was told to appear at the Olympic Club in “proper golf attire”, I panicked. Because, if you don’t golf, you will have nothing in your wardrobe that will be remotely suitable for such an occasion. Forget Bermuda shorts or slacks. The Olympic Club is one of the last bastions of Grumpy Old White Men. Ladies in “slacks” are NOT welcome. I have enough time logged in amateur theatricals that I really wanted to dress the part. As if it were an actual part. What I wanted was something that would feel right with a twin set and pearls. I was thinking Katherine Hepburn in Pat and Mike.
I think I could carry this off if I were thinner, taller and alive in the Forties.
Turns out, they don’t make this sort of golf ensemble anymore. What I’m told would be acceptable was a “skort”, a modest skirt with built in shorts. Well, just try to find a skort these days. I ran through the resort wear collections in Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Ann Taylor and Talbots. Nobody had a skort. At least not a skort that I thought would be acceptable to the Olympic Club. [No, those tiny little minis that people wear running or for tennis would NOT get past the gate.]
Finally, after consulting with my Facebook Peeps, I was directed to Athleta. They had skorts. Just not skorts that I could see Katherine Hepburn or Babe Didrickson Zaharias wearing. I picked the longest one, which was still several inches above the knee, but at least it was in a suitable Preppie Lily Pulitzer pink.
I paired my skort with a crisp white cotton golf shirt and a cotton cardigan. Here, the ensemble is being finished with terrier hair.
My fashion consultants tell me an Hermes scarf and pearls would accessorize the look well.
So I think I finally have an outfit that will get me through the gate and onto the green. But then I read the additional rules and requirements, specifically what you CAN’T bring to the U.S. Open. No cell phones. I don’t mean you can’t have your cell phone on. You can’t get your cell phone past the gate PERIOD. Your cell phone will be confiscated at the entrance and returned to you when you leave. No cell phones? Hey, some of us blog, some of us Facebook, some of us want to live Tweet this event! It gets worse. Here’s what else you can’t bring:
“food, drinks, cameras, signs, banners, dogs, cats, lawn chairs, stepladders, weapons, or portable TVs and radios.”
I can just about figure out how I’ll get through this event without a stepladder. But no dogs? I have some terriers that would be excellent at retrieving stray golf balls from the rough. Of course, it would be tough to get them to relinquish those balls. And no weapons? If I can carry weapons to the Republican National Convention (albeit only in downtown areas), why not to the U.S. Open. Wouldn’t it be the same crowd?
So spare a thought for me Thursday. I’ll be terrierless, weaponless, without technology and in a skort.
This better be a bloody good show.
Frankly, I think Oscar and Lucy would be the ultimate accessories to that outfit, and having been reared (as opposed to merely “raised”) in a proper home, they would likely behave better than some of the guests. Here in the South, much to our chagrin, some of the guests on the courses my husband plays outfit their carts (we walk) with camouflage, chests of beer and radios. Truly a good walk spoiled. Have a lovely day. Wear sunscreen. And comfortable shoes.
No automatic weapons? What in the wide wide world of sports is goin’ on there???
Hope you and Andy have yourselves a good time – and what’s he wearing? I’d think a proper Brit would be right at home!
My husband’s hobby is sailboat racing which tradition-wise, is the watery equivalent of golf. I’ve experinced clubby misogyny around the globe, particularly in yacht clubs the the word “Royal” in their name. Traditional attire for men is pretty universal: blue blazers. For “the ladies,” you can’t go wrong with a frock from the closet of early Princess Di. While most clubs are inching toward the 21st century in terms of membership, they are still sadly misguided by not allowing dogs. Our Cap’n Django is appropriately nautical in his life vest with the handle, and who could resist your lovely Lucy in pearls? Yachting or golfing, she is always au courant in chic black and white.
Enjoy the 19th hole parties, and watch out for WASPs!
Lisa, where does it say that you can take an automatic weapon to the Republican National Convention? In fact, where does it say anywhere, that you can take an automatic weapon out of a leagal collection?
Semi automatic’s & automatics are two totally different weapons. One is legal (semi automatic) as in normal everyday pistols. Automatic weapons are just as illegal now as they have always been. Don’t try to stir it up by saying that automatic weapons are legal at the Republican National Convention, because they are not legal there or anywhere!
I stand somewhat corrected, although it seems to be splitting hairs. I can’t find a list of the exact types of guns that are allowed in Florida, which has the most liberal gun laws in the country. But it does seem that you can have handguns, perhaps rifles and concealed weapons in the downtown area during the Convention. (The Secret Service is in charge of the indoor venues and they are prohibiting guns.)
But clearly, you can pack heat in the downtown area during the Convention — and having been to Conventions, I can tell you there is no clear demarcation between indoor and outdoor venues. The whole area becomes the Convention site. So the comparison becomes even more apropos: allowing guns in the downtown at the Convention is like allowing guns in the spectator stands at the U.S. Open but not on the fairway. And I still find it amazing that anyone would feel the need to take a weapon to either venue.
But I’ll concede you the technical point and make the change.
And color me embarrassed. Not knowing the difference between an automatic weapon and a semi-automatic weapon is probably not a mistake someone who attended The Shot Show (the Nation’s premier weapon and gun expo) with a Navy SeAL should have made: https://leftcoastcowboys.com/2012/01/20/what-i-saw-at-the-gun-show/